I have had many of my white friends letting me know they appreciate me sharing and speaking up.
Many of them have mentioned how much they are learning about whyte privilege and how subtle it can be.
Some of them have said they didn't realize how their ways of being were reinforcing whyte privilege.
One beautiful soul even asked me what I mean in my posts when I use whyte with a Y.
I explained to her my definition:
"It's ignorant white people who have no interest in being open, educated, or equal.
The ones upholding systematic discrimination and inequality.
Also, the super outspoken, offended and one-sided folk.
Also, the fake compassionate who only are compassionate for show, not for real justice and unity.
They are very threatened by capable, educated POC (people of color) cause they want them to stay inferior."
I think this is a good start in understanding the difference between whyte and white cause white friends are at protests and having very uncomfortable conversations with their friends and family.
White friends are buying books about racism and gobbling up whatever they can find to educate themselves on making a lasting change.
White friends are raising loving white babies who love any and all.
White friends are donating, educating, and supporting.
White friends are shining a WHITE light on whyte privilege.
Good job to all and whyte friends, please open your hearts wider every day.
Watch your language.
Notice your posture.
Be willing to drop you guard.
Learn from new people.
MEET new people.
Often transformation shows us WAY more than we are ready to see.
Like a "too much too soon" kind of feeling.
It is natural to reject an overload of information.
I am just asking US ALL to soften our edges and start showing up for each other.
It doesn't have to look as grandiose as all this seems.
I am inviting you out of your assumptions and into curiosity.
I am inviting you out of fierce protection mode and into acceptance mode.
I am inviting you out of opposition and into connection.
I am inviting you out of combat and into collaboration.
I am inviting you out of hate and into love.
Wanna know how I love people through your resistance and ignorance?
I imagine you with a lisp...
I actually imagine you as a little child.
I can imagine that many of us were yelled at as children the way we are yelling at each other now.
I can imagine that many of us had things unjustly taken away by family, in school, on the playground, and more.
I would bet SO MANY of us have been bullied and name called and rejected and these times are surfacing all of those feelings and memories that we have gotten away with suppressing.
We are not adults out here fighting a race war or political battle.
We are a bunch of scared and marred children protecting our hearts from more pain.
We are braced for impact, prepared for let down and desperately attempting to prevent it.
Soften up, lovers.
Look, learn, and listen and the BEST place to start doing that is in the mirror.
Healing starts with each and every one of us making a decision to unconditionally love ALL of our brothers and sisters, including those we feel slighted by.
And fix your lisp.
We have gotten away with keeping our heads buried in the sand in the form of the mundane 'get up, go to work, go to bed to do it again' routine.
We thought we could drag out our avoidance our entire privileged lives.
I am not only talking race. I am talking pure avoidance of living this ONE LIFE you have been given and contributing to moving humanity forward.
The white picket fences have been bulldozed and it is seriously disturbing the ILLUSION of peace.
Some of us can't stomach starting our own business, leaving a toxic relationship, speaking our truth, or less.
Let alone cope with a deadly virus, economic collapse, race war, government manipulation, and demonic infiltration of our species.
Pressure makes diamonds baby!
This life ISN'T about going through the motions.
This ONE LIFE you have is NOT about paying bills until you die.
It's not about expecting someone else to handle the tough stuff.
It's about showing up.
It's about fulfilling a purpose.
It's about smelling the roses and dancing like a fool.
It's about knowing your neighbors.
It's about the quality of your relationships.
It's about health, wealth, and happiness.
It's about thriving.
It's about loving.
It's about living.
Wake up, sleepyhead.
You have a life to live.
2020 is written in the stars.
Show up for it.
Senseless. Shameful. Inexcusable.
A false sense of hierarchy creates a false sense of importance creates a false sense of separation creates a false sense of privilege creates a false sense of authority creates a false sense of superiority.
I always feel a deep sense of apology for white privilege.
The news that comes out, the stories that don't get reported, the incidents that never get acknowledged, and the low key day to day remarks or subtleties that are glaringly obvious all make my heart ache.
It's unnatural and grotesque.
This tragedy will create a bigger gap before we as a people decide to close it and heal it.
More trauma never heals a wound.
This has to stop.
The separateness has to stop.
We have to come together in love.
I want to see justice too and I know it will still not be the thing that heals us.
For now, I will pray and love.
I will plant seeds of love and teach others to love.
Can you imagine if we all played our part in loving our brothers and sisters?
We cannot simultaneously maintain AND close the gap.
I implore you to love.
I found this pic chillin' in the archives and wanted to share a little piece of my heart.
Once upon a time, I was a middle school/high school physical education and health teacher.
Since the 9th grade, I had been saying "I will be the PE/Health teacher at Whiting High." and then I did it.
I got there.
The exact vision and more.
I got to work with kids in my hometown on prioritizing their health and fitness. I taught them four square. They took tests and hated it usually. They danced...with partners!
I taught them goal-setting and nutrition. We studied substance abuse and eating disorders. We talked about sex and calculated the cost of having a child over an 18 year period.
I also taught them compassion.
I taught them moderation, discipline, and pride.
I taught them to treat others as they wanted to be treated.
I showed them what listening looks like. I asked them to think before responding and to make eye contact when communicating. I encouraged them to share their truths and they did.
And sometimes, I yelled. I specifically remember a day when we had a sub for my boys locker room attendant and the by the time I got into the gym, all 30 of my basketballs were off the rack and in every corner of the court. I was furious. They ran for the remainder of that period while I lectured them about choice.
I swore I taught them more respect than taking advantage of a sub to get up a few shots and then leaving the gym a mess.
I also cried.
I remember crying about kids I wanted to adopt after hearing about their home lives. I cried over a 6th grader realizing he COULD in fact jump a rope 50 times in a row. I cried over thank you cards and more.
I laughed, a lot.
I laughed at basketball practices with my girls and in the 'small gym' when the kids wanted another week of handball tournament even though they thought it was stupid the first three days of learning all the rules.
I fumed with frustration when a parent told me her son would not be dancing because she was raising a man, not a daughter and "why was a female teaching boys in gym anyways."
I smiled with pride to witness my booster club bringing students to each other's games and running *very entertaining* halftime competitions and raffles.
In my time teaching, I joked. I sighed. I huffed and puffed. I cheered. I was tested and so were my students.
I loved teaching. I didn't always love the education system, but I certainly loved teaching.
I can see so many of my students faces in my mind's eye and I see a lot of them in my news feed weekly.
I am proud to have gotten to work with children and when I left teaching, I always knew I would just be working with them in new ways down the road.
Today, I have an 11 year old 'client' and we talk about her future, appropriate communication skills, powerful choices, and the consequences of actions. Calls with her do something special to my heart.
There is a unique sense of joy working with children brings me.
I also speak to groups of children and facilitate powerful workshops that encourage communication.
Watching kids realize it is safe to open up cracks my heart wide open.
I. Love. Children. and I love to see them growing up knowing the are loved, cared for, and provided for.
I love seeing these children become adults and contributing members of society.
I love coaching the inner children of adults to help them too understand that they are safe and that the perceived threat or need to survive is over.
I love seeing adults take their inner authority back and create the rest of their lives powerfully.
The same way I did in teaching, in coaching I cry, laugh, joke, reflect, share, and more.
One thing I am grateful for these days is I don't yell.
I don't have to because I have explored my own anger and frustration enough to see that yelling doesn't communicate anything I want to say effectively.
I am so happy about this because anger used to prevent me from making deeper levels of connection, understanding, and impact.
One of my favorite identities in life is Ms. Gazda.
I am forever a teacher at heart.
I am so grateful to the students who taught me as much as I taught them.
Every staff is unique and have their own energy.
I am just so grateful to have fulfilled my goal and role as a teacher.
To all the teachers pouring their hearts into their purpose as an educator, I am, WE are holding you up energetically to shape, impact, and transform those little hearts into big, unleashed hearts.
Thank you. Love you,
I just journaled 11 pages and am coming to you with some post journaling breakthrough thoughts. This post will take you on a bit of an adventure so stay with me.
After journaling, it occurred to me that I have been living in my one bedroom studio for a year and three months.
After doing the math, this is the longest I have been in one living space sense being married.
Divorce caused so much disruption in my life: physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. It disrupted everything I had ever known.
It knocked down the little house of cards that I had built and revealed to me how shaky my foundation really was.
This disruption made me so uncomfortable that staying anywhere for too long was uncomfortable.
I was itchy to keep moving often because I was uncomfortable in my own skin.
I was disrupted in my mind.
I was unsettled in my heart.
I couldn't find stillness no matter where I tried to lay my head.
In my most recent trip to Arizona over the last 14 days, it had occurred to me that the part of myself that identifies as The Nomad is ready to retire.
There is a part of me that took a lot of pride in being able to 'fit my life in my Jeep' and being able to pack up and move in a day...or in an hour.
The Nomad enjoyed her identity as being spontaneous, a minimalist, and somewhat unpredictable and uncatchable.
I realized in all of this contemplation that I liked being uncatchable because last time I allowed myself to be caught, I was also let go of and it hurt too much to risk that again.
While calculating all of this, the thoughts I have been mulling over the last month seemed to fit together like the most perfect puzzle.
I understand how The Nomad is another identity of Quitter.
She is a runner.
[Heck, maybe I will publish a new edition of Giving Up Giving Up: The Memoir of a Quitter with a new chapter about retiring The Nomad haha #staytuned]
The Nomad was unavailable for certain things such as stability, sustainable success, and long term love.
She stayed on her toes so no one could knock her off her feet.
Tonight I identified this lingering feeling and am willing to release this ego identity consciously and lovingly.
Two identities that I did not know were collapsed together:
The Nomad and The Adventurer.
Abigail the Adventurer loves the curiosity, beauty, bliss, and miracle of life. She loves to explore this planet and enjoy its majesty.
However, I know that my priority is standing on a firm foundation of a consistent home, consistent relationships, and consistent success, contribution, and impact.
*Something I would like to explain is the fact that there is a VERY thin line between our survival mechanisms (otherwise known as our ego) and our soul (or essence).
Our survival mechanisms have quite literally helped us survive in times when there were perceived threats or impending doom.
The Nomad was constantly on the look out for let down, disappointment, and the need to protect and run...all things that threatened me and my comfort. My ego was there to protect me.
The Adventurer on other hand, lives in full trust, faith, and excitement about the road ahead.
She knows that she is capable of handling anything that comes her way and any unexpected turn that the adventure may take.
When distinguishing the difference between your ego and your essence, it is important to release the ego, accept the essence, and embrace the possibility of full expression as the highest and best version of yourself.
That said, I embrace The Adventurer.
I release The Nomad lovingly with gratitude for what she has given me, taught me, and taken me through.
What a beautiful adventure she has led and after 4 years of tipping around on her toes it is time to plant roots.
If you ordered and read my newest book, Talking to the Trees, you may have a better understanding what a deep soul connection I have to
San Clemente, California.
There's a specific patch of grass here overlooking the ocean I recognized in a visualization back in 2017 that awakened me to the fact that I needed to move here and I did so within a month.
From the moment of that meditation, I knew exactly where I needed to be: next to the ocean, under the Sun, on the side of a cliff.
Since that move, The Nomad still kept me on the run to Portland, Phoenix, Chandler, Gilbert, Scottsdale, and more.
While these moves where all SO BENEFICIAL for my life experience, I can tell without a doubt that settling down is the next right step in my life.
While The Nomad is passing away, I can certainly tell you that the adventure has just begun
If you know and love me, you know how much I love working.
I could work for days and weeks on end and often do.
It can all roll into one because you know work ain't work when you love what you do.
I also love knowing the work that I do makes a difference in the lives of many.
I am grateful for my gifts and passions and I am also grateful to apply those gifts and passions to my own life too.
Last weekend, I celebrated the launch of my newest book Talking to the Trees and it reaching #1 new release in Educational Counseling and Crisis Management Counseling.
I had been working diligently for the past three months and things revved up the same time stay at home orders began.
People began prioritizing their mental and emotional health and I have been eager to answer that call.
Business has tripled since Feb and I have been working more than ever to support the transformation of many in the forms of books, book clubs, programs, courses, and coaching.
I have tears of joy and gratitude for the gift of being ready and prepared to support people through these times.
I have never felt more in my purpose than these last few months.
I legitimately wake up laughing.
I love what I do.
I love the ripple effect I get to witness.
I also must prioritize this vessel in order to keep doing this work.
Before 2019, I didn't know how to take a week off.
I would tell myself that I couldn't afford to take off.
For so much of my life, I functioned by the fear
'a break in action now, is a break in momentum later.'
Come to find out; the more I rest, the more I make.
The less I hustle, the less I stress.
The more relaxed I am, the more open I am to receive.
It's not magic.
Faith in your worth.
Faith in your deservedness.
Faith in your gifts being delivered when you are happy, healthy, and well.
Faith that you are loved, cared for, provided for, and guided.
Consider that you don't have to EARN your abundance, you have to learn how to ALLOW it.
Prosperity comes to those who can accept with grace and gratitude.
Nothing comes to an ungrateful heart.
Nothing attracts to a resistant mind.
Nothing flows through a constricted body.
I am sharing these breakthroughs because I have had them.
Over and over and over....
You must relax into your receiving.
You must lean into intuition.
You must listen to your being when it tells you to rest.
There is gold in your ability to listen and honor what you hear.
Consider that slowing down isn't slowing down at all.
Here are a few of the very few memories I captured by phone.
Most are just jotted in memory and journal.
Been here before.
Shared this before.
And it feels different this time.
Many of you have been following my latest book journey of publishing Talking to the Trees.
Many of you have been following my celibacy journey for the last 7 months when I shared the Intimacy Series on the Hearts Unleashed Podcast.
Many of you have been paying attention to and inspired by my sobriety journey for the last 3 months.
What I haven't shared so much is my spiritual journey the last year and a half.
It's been hard to articulate in a clear, concise way.
You have seen a lot of evidence of the transformation on display in my work, writing, and being, but I haven't linked them all with how they are strung together by the realization of my sovereignty.
Actualizing my inherent grace led me through a journey of complete surrender to a process so much bigger than my being and has granted me access to unlimited abundance.
Respecting myself as a divine feminine being has empowered me to actually show up as one.
My desires have shifted.
Many cravings have diminished.
Many attachments have been released.
(It is a daily practice and I chose it daily.)
I have stayed somewhat silent about this process to honor each individuals relationship with a higher power.
I have tiptoed around my terminology to keep relating to as many as possible and I would like to speak more clearly as time goes on.
Recently, I did a podcast interview with
on Live This Life Podcast and it was the most spiritually expressed I have ever been.
I love this interview and I encourage you to check it out (wherever you tune into your pods).
-The new book comes out on Friday.
-Business is booming.
-I am 6 months celibate.
-I am 3 months sober.
-I am so proud of myself.
-I blindly optimistic about my future.
-And I am tired.
I am tired because I have been WIDE AWAKE for (specifically) the last three months. I have been feeling all my feelings without numbing out in anyway.
Lately, this spiritual journey has been like having a physical operation with no anesthesia.
I can sense my heart, mind, body, and soul being worked on and I am tired.
AND I am grateful!!!!!!
I have been climbing to new heights I did not have access to with my head stuck in the clouds.
I have been climbing for months and it is time to set up camp for a while.
After the book launch of Talking to the Trees (search and preorder it on Amazon already) on Friday, I am taking a week off!
I have been pouring my heart out and I recognize the next right step is to fill this cup.
I. Feel. So. Blessed. And. Grateful. To have done the emotional intelligence work to know when it is time to rest and restore WITHOUT driving myself into the ground to the point of complete breakdown.
This is a learned skill y'all.
And you can learn it too.
In honor of my spiritual journey I will share my favorite lesson:
You are loved, protected, guided, cared for, and provided for.
You are not alone and you are not doing it alone so:
Rest when your tired.
Eat when your hungry.
Drink when your thirsty.
Pray when your scared.
Rest when your tired.
Cry when your sad.
Laugh when your happy.
Give when you've got/don't when you don't.
Rest when you're tired.
Love how you want.
Be who you are.
Shine as you are.
Love each of you.
Thank you for being on this journey with me.
A post from 4-21-19...
I am living a life that I designed over 4 years ago.
I just closed my biggest sale to date in my sports bra in the Arizona sun sippin' a Starbucks talking to a stellar dream client!
I no longer take ANYTHING that comes my way.
I no longer frantically accept every single inquiry.
I declare and fulfill.
All because I chose my vision more than my fears.
I engage with my purpose more than I procrastinate.
I reach out to my support structures to hold me up when I personally feel weak.
Yesterday, I felt weak. JUST YESTERDAY.
I reached out for love, belief, and encouragement when I was struggling to produce my own.
And today, I am back to empowered.
You guys. We are human. We have egos that will always and forever be a part of us.
Living your best life is not about being invincible.
It's about being empowered.
It's about consciously choosing your best life over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and and over.
It's about understanding that the way you are is not the way you will always be.
You can grow.
You can overcome.
You can expand.
You can have the life you love simply because you say so and follow it relentlessly!
I am not here because I'm perfect, extra gifted, or more skilled than any one of you.
I am here because I choose me and my vision constantly.
You must want your vision more than you want anything else in your life to truly have it.
You CAN have it.
You can have it EXACTLY how you want you can say so!
If you're ready to say so reach out to me to live unleashed and create your life by your design.
14Abigail Gazda, Hope Elizabeth Haneghan and 12 others
Humans perceive and manufacture separation, not the Universe or God or consciousness.
The more lines we draw in the sand, the more separated we are.
The less we relate, the weaker we are.
The more divided, the less united.
The less united, the more destructive.
The more destructive, the less successful.
The less successful, the more competitive.
The more competitive, the less peaceful.
Our oneness is innate and effortless.
We humans conjure up our individuality to the degree of refusing to understand and love our brothers and sisters.
We calculate our differences into complexities woven with excuses and judgments of one another.
We defend against our own projections of opposition that prevent us from meeting ourselves in each other.
When we drop our differences, with each other and nature, harmony becomes possible.
Love thy neighbor as ye love thyself.
Thy cannot love thy neighbor until ye doth love thyself.
Thyself is not thy ego.
You are not your ego.
You are energy first, human second, ego tenth.
You have the potential to be many things before your ego.
Your pride must die for all of us to live.
Until then, we shall live in discord.
I will be sharing my beliefs about death, perceptions of ego, and invitations to live life powerfully on the Mortality Series on the Hearts Unleashed Podcast starting tomorrow.
Tune in for a relevant conversation and opportunity for expansion.
Here for you.
So I can't remember the last time I did a 'progress pic' for ANYTHING, but toot-freakin-toot mafa's.
I am 60 days sober off alcohol and cannabis and I have never felt...better?
Eh, I wouldn't actually say better.
I have never felt clearer.
I chose full sobriety as I entered into a 10 day silent Vipassana retreat. It took three days of migraine level withdrawls to fully detox.
I spent the other seven days of that retreat meeting my sober mind, heart, and body. It was a fascinating experience to say the least.
What I did not realize on Feb 13 was what was to come in all of our very near future, this pandemic.
So when I say I've never felt clearer I mean that over the last 60 days I have been facing things that I used to smoke or drink my way through.
I am experiencing my anxiety fully.
I am crying my deepest soul level sadness to the surface.
I am remaining present for my red hot rage that I used to numb out or drown out.
So 'better' may not be my best evaluation, but knowing I am operating at my best feels better.
I am meeting my highest and best self because I am not weighing her down or blurring her vision.
I am not clouding her mind and impairing her judgement.
I am here.
I am clear.
I am very clear about what I came to this planet to do and that is to unleash hearts.
That means starting with my own.
So while 60 days of sobriety is just the beginning, I think we can all agree that the last 60 days has felt like 60 years.
In the last 60 days I have written a book that could not have come through my fingers under the influence.
It comes out on May 1 and when you get it, you will understand exactly why.
We can't hear our divine guidance with clogged ears and foggy minds.
I want to thank my support structures that have been cheering me on and holding me up in my low moments.
This hasn't exactly felt good.
But it sure does feel great to feel in tune with everything happening in my heart, mind, body, and soul
If you've wondered about sobriety; just give it a try.
Put the bottle down.
Put the pipe down.
Toss it out.
Then let your body flush it.
You can do it and you are not alone.
It's time you live a life you love.