If you have been in the Growing Gratitude community for a few months, you have probably heard me mention "sweaty conversations." They are the ones that make you glisten thinking about them. By the end of one, you look like you've been doing an hour's worth of cardio. These are the conversations that we normally avoid because they make us want to vomit, cry, or just simply run and hide.
Phelan and I have been doing the work of becoming a strong, more authentically connected couple and I am over here sweating like I did in my college basketball days! We having been going back and forth "on the court" of relationship. During these convos, I convince myself that I would rather be back running baseline sprints with my coach telling me how slow I am.
Mid-sweaty-conversation today, I had a major breakthrough. I heard myself say that this is why I haven't gotten serious with someone since divorce. Getting SUPER up close and personal in relationship occurs as SUPER confronting for me. It has been WAY easier to hide out and be myself without feeling judged or questioned than to let anyone close enough to my heart to experience feeling vulnerable.
The moment I said it, is when the transformation train rolled through my brain. I have avoided these sweaty conversations in intimate relationship sense ever. My marriage failed because I never dug in on our compatibility, partnership, love languages, and so on. We kept a surface level conversation and level of commitment. We walked away whenever it got tough only to cool off and go back about life usually not having squared away the issue.
I remember being told from my youth, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." As the train rolled through my brain, I saw exactly where I stop in relationship. I found myself at the barrier that limits the quality of my relationships.
What I got is that there ARE times to say something that doesn't seem so nice in order to move allllll the way through the facade and get to the constructive communication that creates deeper understanding and connection.
I see how walking away from confrontation in the past hasn't served the resolution of a situation. The temporary relief of cutting a disagreement short led to long-term, slow bleeding. It leaves the conversation open ended and incomplete. While zipping my lip may have taught me manners as a child, it has evolved into a very subtle strategy for guarding my heart as an adult.
I am going to tell on us who use this strategy. When you guard your heart, you are blocking the flow of love. In and out.
When we deny that flow, we also stop growth. By impeding the growth, we stunt our self expression, freedom, power, and the quality of our lives.
When you are doing the work in a sweaty conversation, you can practically FEEL your heart expanding! I have convinced myself that the 'pain' of that discomfort is growth, not hurt, anger, or sadness. It is growth in effect and you are wide awake for the process.
An hour long sweaty conversation can lead to a lifetime of freedom. Saying what needs to be said, even if it doesn't feel so 'nice' can make the difference for you and the other person. Getting uncomfortable in conversation can give you access to feeling more comfortable in your heart, mind, body, and soul.
Speak your truths.
Live the life you love WITH the ones you love.
For daily gratitude, join us in the Growing Gratitude community on Facebook! Thank you for growing with me and as always, live the life you love