I was standing at I microphone in front 110 people and a world class leader when I realized I had spent my whole 28 years trying to fix my self.
I was always trying to be good enough. .
Reach...and maintain...perfection .
Based on the leader's questions, I saw how I felt fundamentally unlovable. Mid convo, it hit me like an apple that fell right off a tree and landed on my head.
From school to sports to sex, I was trying to validate myself outside of myself. I needed proof of my lovability and I had to earn it. For at least two full decades, searched beyond my nose for the solution to an unanswerable question on repeat in my heart.
"But do you love me?"
No one could confirm it enough times to quench that insatiable thirst. There is no limit to how many times I need to remember. My constant seeking kept me constantly seeing.
Speaking this out loud to a room full of people reflecting my greatness and lovability helped me see the lie I was living. I was living a victim story about being some type of broken. I got to have my pity parties and temper tantrums with it.
I didn't exactly know who I would be without it....until I considered the option.
As my eyes darted through the crowd for my next smile or head nod I caught myself DOING IT IN THE MOMENT. I sensed myself creating love outside of my to fill me up and feel whole. Right then and there was end of my disconnection from myself.
There is NOTHING wrong with me.
I AM nothing.
I am a vessel for which love flows.
Without my unlovable story, I am heart, vitality, power, grace, and light.
I am kind, loving, tough, sweet, classy, sexy, radiant, brilliant, gorgeous, generous, adventurous, angelic, splendid af.....I could go on...
From lovable I am Me.
Wholly, completely, and unabashed.
As me, I am creating a life I am obsessed with. 💕
If you're not broken, who do you say you are?
What are you creating?