Repeat after me:
I am happy healthy, wealthy, and wise.
I am surrounded by people who love me.
I am blessed beyond measure.
I am focused and excited.
I am faithful, enthusiastic, and passionate!
My life is good.
My life is now.
My life is here and I am clear!
If you cringe at this or find them hard to announce with certainty, they are just too high a frequency.
There is nothing wrong with that!
It means you have identified a gap in where you are and where you want to be!
Close the gap with adapted affirmations that fit you and feel like a closer step than leaping across the Grand Canyon towards your happiness.
An example of a middle frequency adaptation:
I have my health and for that I am grateful.
I have my intelligence and that makes me happy.
I have people I love and who love me too.
I am blessed and grateful.
I know what I want and am ready to have it.
I believe good things can happen for me.
My life is here.
My life is now.
I am willing to empower myself and my life!
The full blown fire hose of abundance can be overwhelming if you aren't a frequency match for it.
You must become the YOU that is ready and willing to receive all the blessings that await your readiness.
Energy is everything.
Everything you are doing is a vehicle for energy to manifest into form.
You don't even realize how powerful your every action is because it is not a question of if you are a creator. It is a matter of how you are a creator.
When you become more serious about how and where you spend your energy, you will get to experience yourself as the creator of your life.
One fun example of how much of a creator you are:
Imagine your hands as garden hoses with no off valve.
Always on, pouring water everywhere.
If this were the case, sleeping in bed, being inside all the time, or in the car would be a mess!
You would want to stay outside at all times and while you are out there, you might as well water the plants and grass.
You can rinse the car and patio.
You can fill jugs and reservoirs.
Once you get over any frustration of garden hoses for hands, you will find ways to give them purpose.
You have energy pouring out of your hands at all times.
You could spill it all over the house, at the bar, at the movies, and at your friends house.
You could smear it on people, places, and things or you could pour it into your keyboard.
You could put it in pots and pans to make a delicious meal.
You could attach a pen to that hand and harness and direct the energy through the pen to write your business plan or floor plan.
Once you get over any frustration of what is manifesting in your life, you can find ways to use this ever-flowing energy on purpose and with purpose.
You are the creator of your experience.
You have been all along.
It's time you step fully into your role.
It's time to become a deliberate creator.
This life is a dream I wrote off as a pipedream back in 2009.
I remember on a trip to California with my Mom and Sister saying "I could never live out here. It feels too much like vacation I would never work!"
I remember assuming that if I lived in Cali for realz, I would end up a beach bum and never become anything cause I would never leave that beach....for realz.
And now, I am at the beach 2-3 times a day between calls with clients (that definitely don't feel like work).
I stare at palm trees.
I've been told I speak more Californian now.
I get paid my worth and do work that makes my heart explode.
I write books and speak on the podcast for the Hearts of others to be unleashed as well.
I live free, happy, and self expressed.
I am surrounded by incredible people in my personal and professional life.
Remember friends, this all came after a handful of heartache, so wherever you are in your journey, you can have it all.
If you are willing to believe in it.
Don't write off your pipe dreams.
Write out your plan to have them become your reality for realz.
Dear Addicted One,
I love you. I know you so well.
You are puffy with pain.
You are swollen with sorrow.
You are harboring hurt and I see you. I feel you. I am you. I love you.
Your eyes were always half closed in attempts to shut out pain and perceived threats.
Your eyes were always half open so you could attempt not to see life as your responsibility.
You got goofy enough to make life lighter when all it felt like was dark and heavy.
Your eyes were glazed over the same way you tried to glaze happiness over your open wounds.
Your words were slurred so you could smother what you really wanted to say:
I am hurt.
I am confused.
I feel so hopeless.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to make it stop.
I don't want to go on feeling this way.
I can't take this pain anymore.
My everything hurts."
Dear Addicted One, I love you.
Although packed with pain, I see you making every attempt to escape it.
From self medicating, to endangering choices, to careless actions, to numbing out, fighting, pouting, crying, pushing, and all.
I see you squirming in your own body wanting out of all the pain and doing any and everything you can think of not to feel it.
I see you. I feel you. I am you.
Your attempts may be destructive and they are still attempts to escape.
Babe, your intention is correct.
Your direction is wrong.
Just. Turn. Around.
Put down the pipe.
Put down the bottle.
Put down the phone.
Put down the food.
Leave the relationship.
Leave the job.
Let go of the past.
Keep showing up.
And keep on keeping on.....
Dear Addicted One, you would not have been walked through the valley of the shadow of death if it wasn't to come out radiating life.
You wouldn't have been taken to the depths of your soul if it wasn't to become as your highest and best.
I wouldn't have prepared you in such ways if it wasn't to serve, lead, and guide in such exact and unique ways.
You have been prepared, my child.
You have been chiseled, sanded, and polished to perfection to serve in such grace and light.
Now is the time to own your grace and light.
Addicted One, you are not addicted.
You are Anointed.
Lay it all down so that you may have a wide open heart to receive all the blessings that await you here in Heaven on Earth.
I love you.
I am proud of you.
Now is your time to shine.
Photo: Summer of 2016 a few months after divorce and the peak of my self medicating and after a car panic attack. I take these kinds of photos to remember the current experience. This one was one of compounded confusion, numbness, and hopelessness. I hang on to them to remember how I felt and to show myself my progress. I haven't been in that state of mind since then. Even tough times later weren't the same flavor of tough and I was always a new level of grown.
Keep. Freaking. Going. My Love.
You can heal.
You can move on.
Life does get better.
Take the lead.
Cause you just don't know.
Do you remember everything we had at our fingertips just a few months ago?
It feels like years ago. I could get in my car and drive somewhere--anywhere, travel, go visit friends or family, go out to dinner, go to a beach, a park, or a mall.
I could enjoy a concert, sporting event, or festival.
I could give someone a hug, shake someone's hand, or take a sample sip of my friends kombucha.
Anyone could do just about any one of those things, until suddenly we couldn't anymore.
That happens more than we think in life....
You just don't know.
Many employees don't always know it's their last day of work.
Mommas don't always know it's their last diaper change.
Students don't always know it's their last lunch of the year.
Some significant others don't always know it's the last day of their relationship.
Many people didn't know their last hug would be their last.
Many people didn't know their last kiss would be their last.
Many people didn't know their last call would be their last.
Many of them say that if they did know, they would do it differently.
Most of them say they would at least appreciate it more.
But instead, we zip through life, roll our eyes, or huff and puff about the monotonous motions of life.
We get annoyed and frustrated with the tedious day to day things.
We act too busy and distracted to even think it could be the last time.
Right now, there are millions of employees that would take on double the work to get back to work.
There are millions of Mommas who would gladly change another another diaper to have their baby back.
There are millions of students who would do all the homework in the world to hang with their friends, teachers, and coaches again.
There are millions of significant others who would love to have their love back.
You know that song 'Big Yellow Taxi', right?
Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got till it's gone??
Well, my friends, many things are gone.
A lot of things disappeared in the last few months and a lot of us weren't prepared for it.
Add to it that millions of us expect things to go back to 'normal' when this is 'over'.
But there is no real over.
There is no going back.
It's like taking a bite of an apple; you can spit it out and mush it back, but you'll never have that same whole apple again.
So while you hold your breath waiting for something that isn't coming, think about the examples of the momma's.
Think about the students and employees and significant others.
And while you try to zoom through these challenging times, roll your eyes, or huff and puff about the monotonous motions of this crisis; I invite you to slow down.
When you get annoyed and frustrated with the tedious things about being at home or going to your essential job; I invite you to breathe.
When you get uptight or offended about people protesting injustices; attempt to put yourself in their shoes.
When you act too busy and distracted, remember that it could be the last time.
It could be your last chance to slow down.
It could be your last time to breathe.
It could be your last smile, call, text, hug, kiss, hello, or goodbye.
So get your eyes up, ears on, and hearts open to the millions of blessings in your life at this exact moment, and live deliberately knowing that any of them can be gone in the next.
The good, the bad, and the indifferent all come and go, so appreciate what you've got while you got it.
Remember, you once prayed for the things you currently have, like wishing you could get out of that job, or wishing for more time with your babies, or more time to spend on your side gig.
Someone cries themselves to sleep wishing they had what you have.
Hug your babes.
Love your people.
Love your job.
Love your significant ones.
Live a life you love.
For the past few weeks, being online has had my brow furrowed.
When I am scrolling, I am disgruntled about about a post, a picture, a comment, or a new headline.
Seeing people fighting and arguing.
Engaging in the arguments myself.
Sharing pictures and posts I normally wouldn't.
Losing people who don't wanna hear an opposing opinion.
It's definitely not my vibe.
However, what I can see and respect is that I can maintain my vibe while still showing up for really important (and sometimes stressful) conversations.
I have done my best to not be racist/judgmental my whole life.
I do my best to love everyone.
I've always tried to keep the peace in my sphere.
And sometimes, I fail at that.
Many will resist looking at racism and point at many other valid distractions to consider and calculate. While there are many components at play in this day and age, I believe we can all admit that we cannot achieve harmony if we do not address the issue of systemic racial inequality and injustice.
As we know, a transformative, heart-centered conversation that contributes to the end of racism can't be held online in a comment thread.
It will happen one on one.
It will happen at a dinner table.
It will happen behind closed doors.
It will happen in the car.
It will happen on a phone call.
It will happen in offices.
It will happen heart to heart.
As I have scrolled and shared, I have taken a particular stance to not just be moderately promoting peace and love.
I have decided to call out racism and white privilege and the Whyte mentality that if "I" don't have a problem then there is no problem.
This can be problematic because many people cry out for peace and love and unity but we cannot lock arms if our brothers and sisters are 100 miles behind us.
We cannot become our highest and best if we are not willing to go the depths of discovering the darkest sides of ourselves and our society.
It is a must.
We must be willing to see, be with, and integrate the things that make us uncomfortable.
In the brilliant words of my friend Carly Pandža, this is not a dress rehearsal.
Stop waiting for the performance to start.
This is your life.
This is your world AND 7 billion people are sharing it, having 7 billion different life experiences.
With that said, I have been struggling a bit to share my successes lately in a time that seems like there are more important things to discuss.
However, I also know that shining your light as bright as possible helps others know it is okay and safe to do so too.
I take responsibility for the awareness that my willingness to live unleashed has inspired hundreds to take crazy awesome leaps of faith. I completely honor the privilege of my impact and vow to keep showing up fully to inspire.
When I took this picture, I was bursting with pride and joy that I have made it to 4 months sober and 7 months celibate.
My personal and professional life has been going so good and social media has kind of become my least favorite part of my day.
I admit that because for the last four years, I have enjoyed coming on here to share my heart, progress, mission, and message.
I come on here to connect.
I come on here to share hope.
I come on here to share smiles like the one on this picture.
As you know me, I also come on here to share my pits and valleys.
I come on here to be messy and vulnerable.
While my life is currently going well, the world is a bit more messy.
I will keep showing up for any and all of it to vulnerably walk through it the way I know how to; honestly and humanly.
We are not perfect.
We don't always get it right.
We often question everything.
It is in our nature.
As I too navigate how to show up in my true nature and in respect of what is going on in the world, I keep in mind how blessed I am to have a group like this to come to.
I am beyond grateful for the Growing Gratitude community to come BE with.
I am grateful that we can come together to share our smiles and sometimes our tears.
I will keep doing my best.
I ask that you do too.
Keep showing up for THIS life in THIS moment.
There's no redo's or takebacksies.
Check in with yourself in the mirror and try smiling this big!
If you try, is it just as big or bigger??
Is it fake? Forced? Can you do it?
If not, why not?
If not, let someone you trust know that you aren't doing alright and allow yourself to be supported.
I think the greatest gift of this challenging time are the lessons:
We are better together.
We are not alone.
We are not meant to do this alone.
Keep showing up for your life, lovers.
This is your one and only!
I could hardly contain my smile for today's four month sober picture.
I forgot today was the day until I got a reminder on my phone to snap a progress pic. I saw a man who took progress pictures for three years and I was so amazed by his transformation that I promised myself to do the same.
It is seriously part of the motivation and celebration process that makes it very real for me and keeps my decision to live clean an empowered choice.
I did not know when I decided to completely give up alcohol and cannabis on Feb 13 that we would be entering the craziest times of any of our lives.
In the first few weeks I thought:
"Whew! Experiencing anxiety sober is a whole 'nother level!"
"Whew! Writing a book/doing creative work sober is soooo different!"
"Whew! I can feel all my feelings and it is so intense!"
Then when the Pandemic hit, my empathic self felt more feelings than I ever had and my sober self was turned allllll the way up! I was feeling so much and it was wiping me out!
It took two solid months to 'learn how to be sober' because I had previously hovered above the real bottoms of my emotional pits.
Many may think that substances take us to our pits but they don't. They prevent us from getting there. They numb us out while we get really close but we never have to actually experience them while under the influence.
Abby under the influence:
Had a lot of fears and insecurities
Cared a lot about what people thought of her
Only understood hard work
Was concerned about her future
Was hung up on her past
Was focused on someone else's definition of success
Had a dysfunctional relationship with God
Didn't trust life to work out
Abby under the influence was confused about a few things. She was doing so much work and some integral pieces of her puzzle were missing. She had done so much transformation and there were a few things that still weren't clear.
It wasn't that she wasn't smart, successful, effective, or loving. It was that her mind and heart were too foggy to see fully. The missing puzzle pieces came into clear sight after a few months of sobriety.
I could see they were there on the table to my left or right. I began putting the missing pieces in place.
My third month of being clean was the most lucrative month of my business and my entire life. I have far out earned any career I have ever had.
I am writing my third and fourth books and will be publishing multiple books this year.
My book Talking to the Trees hit Bestseller #1 New Release in May.
The Hearts Unleashed Podcast is averaging 1,000 downloads a month.
I am working with phenomenal clients and even brought our first support coach onto the Hearts Unleashed team.
I have recreated my relationship with God and I know that I am cared for, guided, loved, and provided for at all times.
What I have come to appreciate about sobriety is how clear I am for divinity to flow to and through me. My inner ear and eye are wide open to recieve guidance and my mind and heart are clear enough to trust what I see and hear.
I could hardly contain my smile in my month four sober photo because I am the happiest, healthiest, and wealthiest I have ever been and I know that it is because I have been willing to surrender my ideas in exchange for my guidance.
And I have not been led astray!
The opposite, 'blindly' following my intuition has led to a stream of endless abundance and all I do is go to bed and wake up repeating 'thank you thank you thank you' dozens of times.
I am so grateful to be clean and I am currently detoxing from coffee this weekend! I could hear my body making the request and I am honoring it. She has not made a request that has steered me wrong yet and following the nudges has been rewarding every time.
HARD TRUTH: worth it doesn't always mean easy. It takes a commitment to unbecoming everything you've ever learned in order to become the highest and best version of yourself.
Total side note: that is why I keep showing up for this current race conversation so boldly. I know how much unbecoming is required to become that which we dream of.
Does not fear what people think of her
Isn't out to prove anything
Gets to love freely
Gets to shine brightly
Gets to laugh loudly
Gets to write vigorously
Loves to show up boldly
Accepts her worth completely
Loves others unconditionally
Serves from a full heart
Is clear about her purpose
Is focused on her impact
Loves the work she does
I am so happy, blessed, and grateful to be alive. I am fascinated with the miracle of life and I want to personally invite you to slow down more often to listen to your heart beat.
Your heart beats every second of everyday without any of your conscious effort.
Your lungs breathe and your body is functioning enough to be reading these words right now.
You have a phone with internet and an app that connects the whole world.
We are so blessed.
We are so gifted.
We are so each other.
May you heart beat.
May your lungs breathe.
May you mind think.
May your voice speak.
I personally appreciate getting to do it all sober because everything feels elevated and intricate.
May you gift yourself the joys of even a few days off substances. Maybe a detox. Maybe a reset. Maybe a cutback. Maybe not.
Start where you are to get where you're going. Just keep in mind, not all of you gets to head into the future you dream of.
I love you.
I am here for you.
I am here for us.
I remember when I first started my life coach training program back in February 2016.
I remember the very slow, monotonous conversations about what was going on in the participants lives. We would sit around talking about what they were struggling with.
Sometimes it was things that seemed like they had nothing to do with our life coach training program.
At certain times, I would get frustrated because I wouldn't bring my own personal problems to my professional training program.
It was for a few reasons like being told in sports to leave your problems at the door.
I would also stay quiet out of fear that my own problems weren't important enough to share.
I didn't want to 'bother' other people with my problems the way I felt bothered by theirs.
I would get impatient when someone else was sharing and the lead trainers would keep the conversation going around that individual's concerns, questions, and resistance.
Sometimes I would think to myself "alright already! When are we going to get to be coach training? When are you going to teach us how to help that person fix their problems instead of just sit here and talk about them?!?"
It seriously took months of this frustration before it became my turn.
In a weekend about spirituality, I had a complete breakdown about my divorce.
This wasn't a share for coaching around how many clients I wanted or about how to do a sample session.
It was about my personal life.
It was about the way that I felt betrayed by God for being left by my husband.
I was able to identify a grudge I have held against God that I couldn't have recognized had I not been willing to share a very deep and personal problem in my professional coach training program.
It was then and only then after the exercise that I realized all of those slow, monotonous conversations about everyone's individual lives WAS in fact the coach training program.
We were learning how to sort ourselves out.
While we didn't always relate to each other; we didn't have the same backgrounds, we didn't have the same socioeconomic status, or career paths, we did have one thing in common: being very VERY human.
So in this crazy day and age, you may be seeing people share their hearts on social media and then judging "alright already, when are we gonna get on with the real stuff?!?"
I may ask you to consider this IS the real stuff.
Behind the screen, these are people's real lives sharing their real hearts.
A comment on a thread may be an opinion (you do not agree with). However, it comes from a beating heart and it's likely that beating heart has many problems of its own and also many triumphs of its own.
There are times that you will judge it.
There are times that you will judge yourself for having problems and wanting to be better and just be able to go and "get on with it."
My invitation is that you keep looking in the mirror.
You keep sharing your heart.
You keep listening to others share their heart so that you can (often in retrospect) learn from one another, relate to one another, and come to this relativity through your own experience and evolution.
Every day is a new opportunity to meet your brothers and sisters more deeply.
Every day is a new gift to understand the hearts of each other, to give each other a place to be:
I have always taken pride in the Growing Gratitude community.
Of all places on the internet, although we may come from different backgrounds, socioeconomic statuses, belief systems, political parties, this remains the safest space on the internet that you can come to give and receive love.
I believe it is a place you can come be in personal, professional, mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual breakdown and yet still feel loved and still cultivate gratitude.
I love this community so much!
I enjoy being here with you all and I love knowing that we have each other to continue to go back into the world and spread love and grace no matter what breakdowns we may be in.
Keep plugging into what serves you most.
Keep supporting the evolution of humanity.
I love you all.
Keep living a life you love!
I have had many of my white friends letting me know they appreciate me sharing and speaking up.
Many of them have mentioned how much they are learning about whyte privilege and how subtle it can be.
Some of them have said they didn't realize how their ways of being were reinforcing whyte privilege.
One beautiful soul even asked me what I mean in my posts when I use whyte with a Y.
I explained to her my definition:
"It's ignorant white people who have no interest in being open, educated, or equal.
The ones upholding systematic discrimination and inequality.
Also, the super outspoken, offended and one-sided folk.
Also, the fake compassionate who only are compassionate for show, not for real justice and unity.
They are very threatened by capable, educated POC (people of color) cause they want them to stay inferior."
I think this is a good start in understanding the difference between whyte and white cause white friends are at protests and having very uncomfortable conversations with their friends and family.
White friends are buying books about racism and gobbling up whatever they can find to educate themselves on making a lasting change.
White friends are raising loving white babies who love any and all.
White friends are donating, educating, and supporting.
White friends are shining a WHITE light on whyte privilege.
Good job to all and whyte friends, please open your hearts wider every day.
Watch your language.
Notice your posture.
Be willing to drop you guard.
Learn from new people.
MEET new people.
Often transformation shows us WAY more than we are ready to see.
Like a "too much too soon" kind of feeling.
It is natural to reject an overload of information.
I am just asking US ALL to soften our edges and start showing up for each other.
It doesn't have to look as grandiose as all this seems.
I am inviting you out of your assumptions and into curiosity.
I am inviting you out of fierce protection mode and into acceptance mode.
I am inviting you out of opposition and into connection.
I am inviting you out of combat and into collaboration.
I am inviting you out of hate and into love.
Wanna know how I love people through your resistance and ignorance?
I imagine you with a lisp...
I actually imagine you as a little child.
I can imagine that many of us were yelled at as children the way we are yelling at each other now.
I can imagine that many of us had things unjustly taken away by family, in school, on the playground, and more.
I would bet SO MANY of us have been bullied and name called and rejected and these times are surfacing all of those feelings and memories that we have gotten away with suppressing.
We are not adults out here fighting a race war or political battle.
We are a bunch of scared and marred children protecting our hearts from more pain.
We are braced for impact, prepared for let down and desperately attempting to prevent it.
Soften up, lovers.
Look, learn, and listen and the BEST place to start doing that is in the mirror.
Healing starts with each and every one of us making a decision to unconditionally love ALL of our brothers and sisters, including those we feel slighted by.
And fix your lisp.
We have gotten away with keeping our heads buried in the sand in the form of the mundane 'get up, go to work, go to bed to do it again' routine.
We thought we could drag out our avoidance our entire privileged lives.
I am not only talking race. I am talking pure avoidance of living this ONE LIFE you have been given and contributing to moving humanity forward.
The white picket fences have been bulldozed and it is seriously disturbing the ILLUSION of peace.
Some of us can't stomach starting our own business, leaving a toxic relationship, speaking our truth, or less.
Let alone cope with a deadly virus, economic collapse, race war, government manipulation, and demonic infiltration of our species.
Pressure makes diamonds baby!
This life ISN'T about going through the motions.
This ONE LIFE you have is NOT about paying bills until you die.
It's not about expecting someone else to handle the tough stuff.
It's about showing up.
It's about fulfilling a purpose.
It's about smelling the roses and dancing like a fool.
It's about knowing your neighbors.
It's about the quality of your relationships.
It's about health, wealth, and happiness.
It's about thriving.
It's about loving.
It's about living.
Wake up, sleepyhead.
You have a life to live.
2020 is written in the stars.
Show up for it.