The "R" Word
The "R" word.....
The one we all scratch our heads about.
The one we all have personalized perspectives about.
The one that is different according to the person speaking.
RELATIONSHIP....The juiciest R word out there.
Before you start sweating, crying, or preaching, let's pump the breaks.
I am not referring to game we play in one on one, intimate, committed, or dating relationships.
I want to talk about Relationship with a capital R.
The way we actually relate to things, people, concepts, and ourselves.
The Relationship we have to ideas, emotions, desires, and dreams.
The Relationship we have to wanting, success, failure, and commitment. The Relationship we have with "the way life goes."
This can be a pretty grand concept to get at first so I'll toss up a softball example for ya.
The way life goes:
"Life sucks, then you die"
"Life is great!"
"Life is tough!"
"Life is what you make of it"
"Life can be scary."
....and so on....and so forth. I am assuming you are catching on by now.
As we dive further in, it may become clear that Relationship with a capital R can cover an IMMEASURABLE amount of topics, perspectives, and realities. In order to not go all "inception" in this blog post, I simply want to ring your bell on how you are relating to your life: your job, people, environment, yourself, etc.
The way you are relating to everything in your life will allow you to draw a line in the sand about the role you are playing in life. Because I love me some sports analogies, let's use the Coach, Player, or Fan as some roles that can be played out in life.
Coach: Leads the team, schedules practices/games, does the organizing and executing of plans, makes plays for the game, teaches the players the game/rules, delegates responsibility, etc.
Player: Joins a sport for whatever reason, shows up when told, learns the rules of the game and team, abides by said rules, etc.
Fan: Attends games of a sport they enjoy or show up in support of family and friends playing a sport, watches the sporting event, commentates from the stands, gets riled up from the stands in which they have no effect on the game, etc.
As you read through the various roles, I imagine you were beginning to either wonder or decide where you land in all of this. If you get really real with yourself, you may even be able to scroll back up and distinguish where all those interpretations about "how life goes" come from and which one suits you best.
From this awareness, are you a Coach, Player, or Fan?
Are you a little of all three?
Do you relate to yourself differently in different areas of life?
There's good news in all of this folks, creating an understanding about ALL of your Relationships in your life will empower you to grab your coach's whistle and take the lead on your life. You can start calling shots and being the your own favorite player. You can be the one deciding when practice and games are and what level of competition you play in.
If it seems life a tough gig, it can be...at least that is my Relationship to it.
Taking the lead on your life will require you jump out of the stands and onto the court. On the hardwood, it can get scary and sweaty. You are likely to catch a bump or a bruise. You may face some strong competitors but hell, at least you'll be playing! You see, no matter how much longer I interpret how anyone's own game may go, you are the one who gets to decide. You are the one who calls the shot, all the time.
One thing I have decided, I don't write these posts for the fans wanting to stay fans. I write, coach, lead, and share for the fans wishing they were still in the game. I do this for the players looking to become coaches. I look for people working...and sweating...for their greatest life. Because no matter how many games we play, we only get one life to fit them all in.
If it's time to recreate your Relationships in your life, grab your sneakers.
If You are in search of a support structure to become your own coach, I know a badass coach to help you get started.
You are all Coaches. The sooner you grab your whistle, the sooner your team will form.
Live the life you love.
"People are more interested in being right than effective"
So many lovers in the world crave connection. We crave relationship on many levels: parents, children, significant other, friends, co-workers, etc.
All of the knowledge in the world (ie. facts, stories, statistics) DOES NOT affect connection when it comes to matters of the heart. Connection comes from understanding that person you crave connection with. Knowing the facts of their world may not create the same connection as being with them in their fears, dreams, and triumphs. Understanding that person's heart and language of love is an understanding that cannot be measured, calculated, recorded, or documented.
I invite you to let go of knowing the "right" thing to do or say and BE with someone on a level that allows you to hear at the level in which they speak. Let them tell you who they are. Let them show you how they wish to be seen. Let them dream out loud with you and you will be able to see their future with them. You will see, hear, and feel a whole new world that has been in front of you all along. You may see that person in a whole new light.
Expand this to a global perspective, wow. Understanding an entire race, culture, or lifestyle!? Can you imagine letting go of everything you "know" and just allow yourself to understand? Allow yourself to actually not know and create room to learn! Allow yourself to be taught. What a beautiful opportunity in connection between insanely large and diverse groups. What an amazing opportunity to unify polarities for all the best reasons.
I invite you to go out and connect. Let go of knowing. Start listening to understand.
Share your understanding with the world. Keep creating lovers in the world.
Live the life you love,
Problems as Opportunities
We've all got 'em, right?
What if we started at the title? Let's start with the end in mind.
Problems are NOT problems.
Problems are opportunities.
What kind of opportunities?? So glad you asked.
Problems can be a chance to explore what "went wrong" and grow....every time.
Problems are an opportunity to expand our capacity for love, compassion, patience, understanding, reliability, literally any direction you can imagine.
"Problems are a chance for what you imagined happening to break completely down and prove to you (time after time) that the world will go on."
That you will survive this problem. That you will not only overcome this issue but will actually grow from it. You will learn what you like, don't like, will tolerate, and can handle.
HOW COOL! Problems are a chance to learn yourself. They are a chance to relate to the world from any way you choose: curl up, run out, or tackle head on. We can decide how problems go. We can decide how the 'problem' ends! Ultimately, this can empower us to chose the direction in which our life goes.
Have you ever experienced problem after PROBLEM taking you out?
Have you ever felt like the universe is just 'working against you'?
Have you ever just felt like a total victim of 'the way it goes'?
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are the only one who can adjust this perspective. Insightful words or guidance mean nothing to you if you don't take on the choice that your life is not a series of unfortunate events you were meant to survive. If you find yourself wondering what direction your life is going, consider you are just not recognizing that you are the one in the drivers seat.
Grab the wheel baby! You are driving....a Mercedes! A Rolls Royce! A Tesla! Whatever fantasy car you have, you have the wheel, road map, and pit stops.
This is your Opportunity to take your Problem Goggles off and put on Possibility! Set backs provide us a chance to recommit to what we truly want. Adversities challenge us to declare how bad we want what we truly want. Challenges force us to face our fears in the face of what. we. truly. want.
In my own life, I have peeled back my layers so many times that I have found ME waiting right at the center of lifes "problems" and what I had set up as society's expectations of me. I had learned myself enough to follow my dream of becoming a public speaker. Opportunities to let problems stop me can seem to occur every day: being turned down on an offer, not hearing back, flat tire and showing up to an event late, hiding behind my fears/insecurties, having an event cancelled....endless problems can arise in a million different ways.
The question to consider: "Is this what I really want?"
Do I really want to get paid to show up as myself and inspire tens, hundreds, or thousands? Do I want to live a life I have chosen? Do I want to share my heart with others to deliver the message of self love and acceptance? Do I want to travel to see new lifestyles and still speak to the humanity in everyone? Do I want to live out loud while inspiring others to do the same!?!?! DO I EVER!!!! I can say with full conviction that I know what I want. I can say that any "problem" that comes along will simply be an opportunity sharpen my skills and expand my capacity to be with all that there is.
If it hasn't become clear yet, allow me to put it on loud speaker. Explore your heart. Find out what you truly want. Decide it actually can be a reality. Stay committed in the face of 'problems' on the path of getting where you are going.
Problems are speed bumps. Slowing you down on your way saying: "Hey You, is this what you really want?" Become so convicted about who you are and what you are going for that every problem is just another opportunity to get where you are going.
And as always...
Live the life you love,
The Shiny Thing Syndrome
Anyone reading have a dream board? I do. I have a few.
A year ago, my dream board had a Mercedes, a title I wanted to hit in my network marketing career, a man at the top a mountain, and a insanely large house. You know those dream boards. In business, we call these driving factors our "Why's."
These images were meant to motivate us in our times of fear and doubt. They were meant to remind us 'Why' we are doing what we are doing and to what end...to 'make it'.
A month ago, my dream board had an open field of flowers, the word joy, a landscape of mountains, and the phrase "Born on Purpose."
Somewhere in the middle of creating those two dream boards, I distinguished a difference in how I was 'wanting' and how I was measuring success. What I distinguished was originally, I was chasing physical "things" that would represent to others and myself that "I made it." I have come to call those, The Shiny Things. That man atop the mountain represented ultimate success and happiness. I found out about myself that I was chasing this imaginary point in life.
"I was chasing the end. I was rushing to get to a point in life that I can "relax" or call it enough and feel as though I can retire in my efforts of 'getting there.' What I distinguished is that we never get anywhere."
Life is and always will be an ever evolving process of growth and experience with milestones to celebrate along the way. There is no one grand mountain top...and even if you get to one, from there, you can see another and another.
I learned that and created my second vision board based on the life experiences that I am craving. I yanked the 'made it' feeling from the future back into my now. I envision and live out the experiences that will fill my soul and life purpose (mine so happens to be adventure) now because tomorrow never comes if we don't create it today.
My favorite analogy of this would be parenthood. Relating to it as a mountain top experience would be like having that child and saying "Sweet! Parenthood! I got there! Whew, I can relax now!" I think we can all say that birth is not parenthood. It is the VERY beginning of a journey. This event leads to a life long commitment to the experience of parenthood and allllllll that that entails. It is an ongoing experience that shape shifts with age. Same analogy could go for wedding day vs. marriage.
Essentially, we know it can show up tons of ways. There is a large difference between the living a life that will continuously generate your happiness and self worth on a daily basis and struggling through life to get to some magical point where your happiness lies. Seeing and understanding this difference will set you free from the chains of achieving and making yourself good enough to earn happiness or love.
Like life itself, success also shape shifts with age. Success is not exactly those shiny things. It is living a life that you love. It is experiencing the freedom of full expression of who You are. Success is nailing down your life purpose and then living it so boldly that your true essence and impact in the world is undeniable and unstoppable. Coolest part, we all have purpose.
Do you remember that lunch lady that you could not understand how she could possibly be so happy being a lunch lady? -Yeah, that is what I am talking about. The glorious awareness that there is no one or nothing for you to be other than yourself. It is that peacful understanding that being You is what makes life SO FULLFILING. Lastly, it is the reassurance that being you creates the life experience you are wanting.
Take some mind time to consider what experince you want to be having of life.
Need help making bold choices? We all do from time to time. I wouldn't be writing it if it weren't something I hadn't experienced myself. If you need a hand grabbing at all that is possible, let me know.
Live the life you love,