​Face Palm Friday

Ya ever have a day, week, month, year, or life in which you are facepalming on a constant basis? 

I did. 
Summer 2016.
I was trying reeeeally hard to juggle more than I could handle. I was battling feeling like a loser after divorce and super determined not to let it 'slow me down.'

I was working two jobs, moving apartments, taking a course, and transferring to a new job location....ya know....'cause of the divorce. The course I was taking was to develop as a life coach and entrepreneur and phase out of the 9-5 lifestyle. 
So here I was, an epic failure, trying to call myself a life coach.
Cue the facepalming.

I was spread faaaaaar too thin. 
I was over spending and undereating.
I was dating a rebound guy when I wasn't ready.
I felt over worked, under paid, and less than appreciated in my company.
I was taking an insane leap of faith on yet another new venture. 
Aaaaaand all the while, I was trying to play it cool.
Holy crapoly. 

I smacked my palm to my forehead so many times that I just started keeping it there. For how many times I said to myself, "Oh yoy, Abigail! Get it together!" You'd think I would have been able to get it together.
​I gotta admit. It took a while and a lot of facepalming....and eye rolling...and self pity for that matter. 

I felt like a complete fraud. I was struggling with a story I had written about myself being a loser and reject. I was trying to overcome my struggle while denying that it was affecting me. After about three months of this the mess, instead of facepalming, I threw both hands in the air and said,
"ENOUGH! I am hurting! I am scared! I can't do this alone and I am done trying so hard to be okay!!!" 

I finally asked for a hand!
I got into therapy to sort through my leftover hurt from divorce.
I had a life coach to start taking steps forward as a powerful woman instead of broken girl.
I found a recovery program in which I was able to relate to others with similar backgrounds.
I began the process of acceptance, healing, and letting go. 
 
I evolved further as weeks and months went by. I began transforming into Woman. I stepped out of victim and into leader. I took responsibility for my life and how it is on a daily basis. 

No more facepalming. 

NOW, that doesn't mean it's perfect. It means I live on purpose.
I'm not out in the world living from doubt, fear, and regret.
You see, a facepalm moment for me was an outward self disapproval.
It was a moment of being disappointed in myself for 'being dumb' or missing foreseeing something.
There was a lot of judgement that I cast on myself during this phase of growth. 

I had to get present to the victim that I was playing and the game I was participating in. The game I was playing was the "I'm a loser" game and let me tell ya, I was winning that game. Once I saw it for what it was, I was able to chose a different game. 

I now play the "Sunshine and Rainbows" game. I am always playing for the life experience of Sunshine and Rainbows. In this world, I can have it all: life, career, relationship, connection, joy, play, adventure....all of it and more. I can create a full life. I can take bold swings and fail in the face of Sunshine and Rainbows and laugh it off as a fun attempt. There is wiggle room in this context because it doesn't have to actually 'go my way' or look perfect. Even in a swing-and-a-miss, I am still playing a bigger game. I am always playing for my biggest life. I am always swinging for the fences and if I strike out at-bat, I know that I have another chance in the next inning! This game is never over....until it's over.

In this game, I can handle anything! Talk with a potential client. Talk with a new guy. Talk with a new prospective collaboration. Talk with a new publisher. So on and so forth, from Sunshine and Rainbows, I am enjoying the experience as much as the results. 

In this life, no facepalming. 
No self hate. 
No self doubt. 
No wondering. 
Just evolving. 
Just creating. 
Just living. 

I find it absolutely hilarious because it is the opposite of what I say when talking to clients, groups, etc. "I am not selling Sunshine and Rainbows here because this work isn't easy...."  
What I am creating in my work, what I am "selling," is your chance to take swings at Your fullest life. What I have found in my own process: 

• There are no shortcuts
• It is simple but not always easy
• It can't be scary, awkward, an uncomfortable...and honestly, themore, the better
• It will shatter the limitations of your barriers but it will eliminate your comfort zone as a viable option 
• It's so incredibly worth it

If your palm and face are tired of meeting, call me. 
Let's have your head meet your heart. 
Let's have You meet the highest and best version of You. 

Today's photocred: 
(c) Brigitta Moser / Comedy Wildlife Photo 
​Awards www.comedywildlifephoto.com 
Facebook & Insta: @comedywildlifephoto ​