My dears, as I sit here reading, writing, and reflecting, I am crying tears of Gratitude for every struggle...every set back...every new brick wall barrier I have smashed into along my growth and evolution.
Tonight, as I sort through a new setback, I read my daily devotional:
The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie and it discusses anger.
This passage of letting go translated to my anger around money, its complexities, and seemingly endless challenges.
This reading reflected my karma for my willingness to avoid and ignore money and financial awareness for the last 5+ years.
Objectively, the emotion of anger points to something that is wrong and needs attention and boundaries.
"The final burst before letting go, settling in, and accepting."
Feeling guilt about my perceived financial failures and associated anger is like "getting shot with two arrows."
The first for the problem and the second for the suffering over the problem.
Since fall 2018, I decided to get serious about my financial literacy and I am perfectly fine telling you that it has been met with much resistance from my ego, inner children, ignorance, and intolerance.
While I have made notable strides that I am proud of myself for, money still has the power to push my buttons no matter how much I earn, spend, or save.
Next to figuring out romantic love, money is my life's greatest challenge...and the most crippling.
Today's reading opened up something new in my mind and heart.
The association to anger gave me access to see my resistance from a spectator's perspective.
I am ready to just open up to learning and evolving from the lessons the Universe is teaching me THROUGH money without so much resistance and suffering over them.
I cry as I type this cause there is a pressure release I can sense from choosing not to suffer over it all.
I am a happy and grateful for the financial challenges I have faced in my life because in this moment, I can see how I subconsciously created them to pull me through barrier after barrier (smashing my face against each one) to understand that I have been creating lasting lessons that will peel away every distraction...every temptation...every confusion...every impulse to support my unwavering decision to be financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually free so that I may lead and inspire with the brightest light this being can hold.
I want you to know that WHATEVER you are struggling with is serving you and your path to enlightenment.
I want you to know that this journey IS NOT meant to be walked alone.
Do not struggle in silence.
It does not make you more noble.
It keeps you were you are.
The darkness will trick you into believing you have to hide your wounds so no one can pour salt in them.
Your misery is created in your attempt to avoid your misery.
Do. Not. Suffer. Alone.
We weren't made for that.
You may grow more Gratitude in the process.