Still A Quitter

You guys. I quit a project today. It's quite interesting to experience old patterns playing out in the present with the awareness that it's happening right before your eyes.
For me, it's like watching MMA fighting. You know someone is getting hurt and yet, you don't intervene AND YET, you can't look away either. Gah! In being coached through my choice, I took a vivid look at my quitting pattern:
-Get all enrolled and excited about a possibility 
-Dive in two feet and HEAD FIRST
-Get all revved up about it
-Go FULL force 
-Begin to see the bigger picture of the possibility or project 
-Become disenchanted with it
-Become annoyed by it
-Resist the work
-Persist through the experience 
-Become checked out and resigned about it
-Muster up enough courage (justifications) 
-Quit
Now, you can't see me hiding behind this cell phone screen and you can bet that I am feeling exposed, vulnerable, and overall fearful of being judged for this pattern.
My book, Giving Up Giving Up: The Memoir of a Quitter is absolutely riddled with this pattern! Many of you have probably actually seen me in this default mode up close and personal! There is evidence all over my life for how this quiterdom has gone.
In the chapter, "The Honorable Mention Olympian," I totally tell on myself for the character I play in life. She will constantly have me create predicaments in which I am proving myself for validation and approval! I set up an obstacle to overcome, make it look intense, create a winning strategy, and triumph! Playing that game is inauthentic. Behind the scenes, I am often doubting my abilities left and right. I am not being me when I am pretending to have it all figured out.
Often, I catch myself measuring my success in tangible evidence. In my experience, that brand of success is inflated. The feeling never lasts. It fades as quick as it came. To give up keeping score brings joy back into the game of life for me.
If I stay responsible for this awareness, I get that do not need external validation to know, own, love, and share myself!
Something that I have learned and accepted about myself over the last 2 years is that I do not fit into anyone else's boxes! I have said yes to various things to prove my worth or value. I usually end up all the way through the pattern before I recognize it happening. Each time, I come back around to remembering that I AM good enough! I am whole. I am powerful. I am complete.
What I have discovered today is a new opportunity to break the pattern of self doubt. I go in safe boxes when life gets scary. I hide out in them for protection. Staying within the confines of my comfort zone never last long. When I catch myself this space, I let go.
If I honor my intuition, I will see and accept the next obvious step. It will require trusting myself, knowing my worth, and living out my potential.
There is nothing to do but be.
There is no one to be but you.
Be the fullest, boldest expression of you and life will continue to line up behind you!
Except yourself for every bit of who you are and grant yourself your own permission to be all of your greatness! You are a gift and the world is waiting for you to show up!
My name is Abigail. I am a quitter and I will never give up on being my fullest self.
Live the life you love.

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