Having failed to reach a desired goal, outcome, or expectation doesn't usually feel that great.
In fact, it usually feels pretty crummy.
We get our high hopes and our elaborate vision of what it will be like when we achieved that goal.
When we don't, we feel flawed...less then...fundamentally unworthy of that vision.
We internalize the failure and make it mean that WE ARE a failure.
I failed in my business this month and I have to admit to you, I'm feeling pretty crummy about it.
There definitely days where my heart is in my stomach and my stomach is on the floor.
There are days when I wonder if everything I am creating is not an illusion of my dreams but a delusion of my whacked out mind.
There are days when I wonder if anyone can hear me, or if I'm just word vomiting all over social media.
*This isn't a cry for help or a pat on the back.*
This is honest...real...raw...human...me...
There are so many days that my ego tells me what I'm doing isn't enough in quality or quantity.
There are nights that I refuse to go to bed feeling like I can never do it all.
There are mornings I am scared out of my sleep about debt or sustaining growth and success.
There are weeks that I have absolutely no idea where the next client will come from.
There whole months I spend on a project that falls flat.
And. This. Is. The. Life. I. Choose.
I choose to KEEP showing up to share my message and mission not because I am addicted to self deprecation...
(In recovery from years of that.)
It is because I have chosen to live my whole ass heart FULLY unleashed.
And it doesn't always feel comfortable.
In the game of life, IT ALWAYS FEELS WORTH IT.
I have spent the last three years learning how to make money being myself because my soul shrivels up to being doing unaligned or inauthentic work.
I would rather work tirelessly to build something I believe in than promote or work for someone I don't.
When I fail, it hurts.
It will never stop me.
Folks, YOU have seen this personal brand expand.
You have seen my words become a tangible book, a website, a podcast, a coaching program, and more.
You have watched right here in this very group as I have met and revealed more of me every time I have discovered more.
I have shared more of myself in here than anywhere on the inter-webs.
So you know I am interested in sharing the WHOLE journey, not just the fluffy parts.
I am addicted to sharing the truths about
Growing ACTUAL Gratitude.
It's really easy to be grateful when shit is peachy keen, but when you fall FLAT on your fucking face and it hurts?
THEN how grateful are you?
Are you grateful for the hurt?
Can you find Gratitude in the Growth?
Can you see that you created the failure to show you a soul level lesson??
I invite you to look at a failure as a success.
It successfully shook your roots.
It successfully made you uncomfortable enough to FINALLY do something different.
It successfully showed you that your attempts were simply not sufficient enough to hit the mark.
This doesn't make you a failure.
It makes you a player.
You are a player in the game of life and you signed up for it when your soul chose this body.
You knew what you came for and your soul will KEEP calling you back into the game. Back into action. Back to your dream. It will never stop calling you back.
YOU have YOUR visions because they are YOURS to fulfill.
YOU have YOUR failures because they are YOURS to overcome.
There is Gratitude to grab onto in the feeling of failing.
There is Gratitude available even when you are feeling crummy...ESPECIALLY when you are feeling crummy.
As for me, while sad about my unfulfilled expectations in my biz this month, I am grateful for the growth I am experiencing.
This is a new time in my life that I allow pain to be present and feel it so fully that it actually dissipates.
I have stopped resisting it or internalizing it.
I have the gift of knowing the difference between having failed to fulfill a declaration and BEING a failure.
This helps me dust off quicker and come back stronger and clearer, ready to try again.
Ready to write again.
And again and again and again.
The only way to fail is to quit.
Never quit on yourself.
Never quit on your dreams.
And to fulfill them, visit abigailgazda.com and I can walk with you through the fire of failure.
???Bob Stevens photo credit