I wish you could see what I see.
It is with tears in my eyes that I take a break from ghostwriting a book to write you this post.
I am outside in the crisp air of Spring Lake, ID on my computer, sitting in a camping chair next to a satellite staked in the ground, attempting to capture every fragment of data to upload a video for the vlog and write this book.
I have had a challenge with the internet all day and I let it get the best of me as my deadline approaches for this week’s episode.
So here I sit, previously irritated by the challenge when the wind picked up a bit, shifting the temperature by ten degrees, enough to grab my attention.
I was typing away and watching the video upload count down “22 min remaining…” and that spinning circle of death just go ‘round and ‘round.
Then, the breath of the wind moving all the leaves really caught my attention.
When I looked up from my dimly lit computer, I saw absolutely nothing. Complete darkness.
It took my breath away.
I imagined myself in an abyss. Being nowhere.
I felt my little body existing nowhere and felt myself floating.
It overwhelmed me enough to stop writing the book and start writing you this post.
Now, the wind has died down and the only sound for miles is me typing on my keyboard.
Right now, I am nowhere but exactly where I am meant to be; hunched over my keyboard, painting this mental image for you.
I love the moments of feeling small and insignificant because the reminder is so monumental.
We are nothing, and we are everything.
Nothing means anything, and everything means whatever you make it mean.
Looking up to see nothing just now meant that life is temporary and precious and when I took an extra moment to close my computer and let my eyes adjust, I saw the outline of the pine trees and the twinkle of the stars.
They brought me back to this Earth.
Back to this life.
Back to this keyboard.
Back to you.
May you make time for the darkness.
May you make time for the mystery.
May you make time for your inquiry.
May you make time to see, or not see.
May you make way for your wonder.
May you make way for your faith.
May you make way for your wander.
Make you make room for grace.
Don’t forget to live, my dear,
Don’t forget to breathe.
Don’t forget to look up from the keyboard, my dear.
Don’t forget to believe.
Life is precious.
I love you.
I started recording the Talking to the Trees audiobook this afternoon!
My heart is so full and my throat is so sore!
In 3 hours of reading, we got through 7 of 18 chapters and I am reminded how magical this book is.
Rereading the adventures of Madeline from Chicago to Portland to Phoenix to San Clemente is getting me excited for the 4 month road trip Tim and I are getting ready to take!
I am feeling so blessed and grateful for this life. It is a far stretch outside our comfort zones but that is where adventure awaits.
I am so grateful for all the adventures in business, life, and love these days. I am certainly loving the views. The world is always transforming right before my eyes.
I am also grateful that I have become a better book narrator! Giving Up Giving Up: The Memoir of a Quitter took 19 hours to read! Talking to the Trees should only take 12. It feels really good to be reading again.
The hardcover and audiobook come out this Thanksgiving and I am beyond excited to bring them to you.
We always have a book club of Talking To The Trees starting up. Check out abigailgazda.com for details.
I couldn't pick one photo tonight so you get a few...
I shared a post in my private Facebook group for our Money Mastery course and it feels important to share with you too.
Before sharing the post, I want to say that I think it is important to talk about the need and desire for money because it has always felt like a taboo topic to me.
Much like sex and politics, money has been given this icky feeling when speaking openly about it.
I see the negative connotation given to all these topics has a lot to do with our limiting beliefs or disagreement around them. It has to do with the ways we were raised or the struggles we've faced.
Everyone has every right to their position on these topics but we don't always respect when someone doesn't take our position.
In the conversation about money, part of why I get paid is BECAUSE I do not take my client's position on money. If I did, they would still be arguing 'why they can't afford coaching.'
Instead, they tell me about their dreams and we walk the journey of becoming the man or woman who can fulfill (and afford) those dreams.
I am committed to normalizing these conversations because when we do, we have more room to be our brilliant selves. When we disarm money as an energy or some root of evil, we can witness it for the neutral and abundant resource that it is.
In my own life, witnessing other leaders share fearlessly has inspired me to own my personal beliefs and priorities. It has helped me explore my life, my body, my bank account, and more.
This has also connected me deeper to spirit and source. Accepting my internal guidance has given me the conviction I needed to be okay with wanting more money to facilitate the follow through of my purpose and vision. It has also given me a greater depth of understanding co-creation. I am clear that *I* Abigail am not 'making' this money. I am becoming a woman who can receive at a great capacity to fulfill a role of great capacity and impact.
I have established autonomy and sovereignty through the modeling of others being open and boldly vulnerable about who they are and what's important to them. This has helped me open up and share more about what I know, believe, and how I feel called to make an impact.
With that, I have committed to sharing my evolution and journey. As I have grown and so have my goals, I won't stop sharing just because it might occur as bragging or showing off. I won't withhold to honor the limitations of others. Rather, I am interested in challenging those limitations to invite you to consider a new reality. I share because it's possible and available to anyone who sets their mind to something, anything.
I share openly because others sharing has paved this path for me. If I didn’t see people I ACTUALLY knew in real life living their dreams, I would justify my smallness.
I would be able to convince myself that certain levels of success were only available to 'this or that' type of person. You know, celebrities and politicians but through friends, colleagues, and personal mentor's examples, I have been able to connect to it as a true possibility.
I share openly because more hearts unleashed means more resolution. It means more love in the world. It means more power, action, and momentum backed by love, connection, and collaboration.
I am a hell yes to that world and I am doing everything in my power to be a woman who can live that dream in this time-space reality.
It is available to you too. Because of that, I choose to share this post from Money Mastery:
"At the beginning of this year, I declared my first $100k year.
My coach kind of chuckled and said, "at the rate you manifest, you might as well make it $200k."
Done. I had set my heart on $200k right then and there.
Well, I am on track for that and it has transformed my life in ways I didn't expect.
Life is happening with much more flow and momentum and things I didn't plan on are now manifesting.
When talking with my coach again last week, I was telling her the rest of this year's plans and she gently offered, "you know $200k isn't enough for that, right?"
"I know...." I kind of huffed back.
I did know and I was afraid to say.
I am afraid of what making $500k will 'require' of me. I am nervous about what will need to fall apart in order to live a $500k life.
And I am willing.
I am willing to find out.
After that call, I realized all of my money hearts are now expired. I haven't even hit the goal and they are already outdated.
I changed the 2's into 5's and today I updated them properly. I put new energy into the new hearts and will place them everywhere I need to remember.
We are teaching this tool in Money Mastery in a few weeks but now that you are looking at those real budgets, I challenge you to call in the kind of money you REALLY want and need.
Money wants direction. If you make a specific request, your only job is to then become the kind of woman who can receive it.
Let it come.
Let it grow you.
Let it water your life."
If you can feel that you are already interested in the next round of Money Mastery, message me to be put on the wait list.
You can listen to the Hearts Unleashed Podcast Money Mindset Series while you wait! It is a money manifestation catalyst.
You can start shifting today by downloading our Money Mastery Budget Guide:
Money Mastery Budget Guide
Life At A New Level
April was the highest income month of my life.
This last week beat the month in total as the highest paid week of my life.
I got up in the mornings
Made my breakfast smoothies
Took calls with people and clients I love
Had my own support calls with my coach, team, and mastermind
I worked on projects I am passionate about
I am ghostwriting a new book I am excited to provide a brilliant leader
I planned the launch of our year long Hearts Unleashed Academy program for 2022
I published and promoted the Hearts Unleashed Podcast
Attended a 2 day virtual retreat that I am a support coach for
Honestly, the same things I have been doing for the last 4 years...
I have stayed in step with the work I love and believe in.
I showed up for what I said I would.
I did what I am guided to do.
This highest paid week looked like many other weeks in my business.
So what's different?
On March 25, I declared April a $30k month because I realized I was playing small with my belief system of what's available to me and the true size of my ripple effect.
Now, while the month fell more in the $25k range, it had become my highest month by about $12k...I am not too worried that I missed the mark. That $5k gap shows me the current threshold of my belief with what I declared, and that's just fine.
What's different is that I opened up my heart to recieve on a new level. I opened up my bank account to HOLD money instead of hurry up and move it before it disappears. I opened up my business to provide in brand new ways. I opened up my heart to be loved in new ways.
I opened up.
BUT I kept doing what I have been doing.
I have kept doing what I know to do.
No matter who else could/couldn't see the whole picture.
No matter the outcome.
No matter the process.
No matter the fear.
No matter the challenges.
I have been showing up for the same work for the last 6 years.
Of course, it has developed and unfolded. It has gotten refined. It has built upon itself to create this momentum and magnitude.
That. Is. The. Point.
A phone call here...
A post there...
A sale here...
A book there...
The work done day in and day out in flow with inspiration starts to make sense and impact.
It makes a brand.
I makes a tool for transformation.
It paves a path others can follow to their dreams.
Greatest of all, it makes a living.
I get to get paid to be me.
I get to make a living making a difference for others, the Collective, and the world.
I get to witness the unfolding of what's in my head and heart.
I get to walk with others as they manifest their purpose to make their unique difference.
I get to watch in awe as it all swirls around me.
And I get to enjoy it.
4 years ago, I had to do all this with a full time job. I had to watch it all happen on nights and weekends because I didn't know how to price my services, and now I do.
4 years ago, having a $17,000 week would have brought me to my knees in awe (and panic).
This week, it brings me to this post in grace and gratitude.
No this-is-unbelievable-how-did-this-happen ugly, snot cry.
I know exactly how this happened.
I allowed it.
I believed in it.
I honored it.
I recieved it.
I am sure glad I did too because it has set in motion things that are in fact, new for me. Things that have only been in my head and heart so far.
Some new things I did last week/month:
Spent a month in Mexico
Paid off my Jeep
Set up payroll for full-time employees and benefits
I took steps to launch my Hearts Unleashed Publishing House
This work is so insanely beautiful to me.
I have never been more in my purpose and flow.
I am so grateful for every past Abigail (and Abby) that was scared but who never gave up.
In 2016 I gave up giving up.
I accepted the INSATIABLE urge to make a global impact.
What I am building and creating is meant to support thousands and I gave up resisting it.
It has carried me to this point and will take me far.
But to each time I get scared or tired or angry, I remember the energy I am writing this post from: clarity.
I know who I am.
I know what I am here for.
And I'ma keep living this life I love
There is a lot of room for you on this Transformation Train.
Reach out to jump aboard.
Humans percieve and manufacture separation, not the Universe or God or conciousness.
The more lines we draw in the sand, the more separated we are.
The less we relate, the weaker we are.
The more divided, the less united.
The less united, the more destructive.
The more destructive, the less successful.
The less successful, the more competitive.
The more competitive, the less peaceful.
Our oneness is innate and effortless.
We humans conjure up our individuality to the degree of refusing to understand and love our brothers and sisters.
We calculate our differences into complexities woven with excuses and judgments of one another.
We defend against our own projections of opposition that prevent us from meeting ourselves in each other.
When we drop our differences, with each other and nature, harmony becomes possible.
Love thy neighbor as ye love thyself.
Thy cannot love thy neighbor until ye doth love thyself.
Thyself is not thy ego.
You are not your ego.
You are energy first, human second, ego tenth.
You have the potential to be many things before your ego.
Your pride must die for all of us to live.
Until then, we shall live in discord.
It doesn't have to be this way.
Here for you.
I paid off my Jeep today.
I was reading Rich As F*ck and Amanda Frances explains how having debt is simply an energetic set point we have with money. Meaning if we vibrate at the frequency of debt, then it is normal and expected by us. (This is why debt is a pattern so many cannot break.)
If debt is normal to us, we will subconsciously make sure we have it. This is why when we get close to paying off, we make more. Or why we can't just have liquid money sitting still in a bank account or growing in investments. This is also why we have big, expensive emergencies that suck up savings and force us to finance a payment plan.
I literally FELT this when I read it and right then and there, I decided that I am done with debt.
I have a wonderful debt repayment plan for my debt but it has felt painfully slow the last three years. When I read her point, and really her whole book, I saw how I am just playing small with numbers.
I always plan to need emergency money. - which yes, I have a healthy emergency fund - but I still hoard money beyond that and I say hoard because it is still the frequency of scarcity to always plan on 'losing' your money.
Debt has been a part of my life since age 18. I have been energetically set to have debt.
Just because it has been normalized and I have become desensitized to it, doesn't mean I want it or plan to keep it.
As my income has grown, so have my payments. However, I have been dripping into debt repayment while also making big money moves in my business; $3,500 here, $2,600 there, $1,500 there...
I love paying cash money for things. My true long term goal is basically a cash only lifestyle, besides the use of credit for rewards.
So two weeks ago, I consciously decided I was done existing at a debt energetic set point.
Then this Sunday, I had the inspired thought to pay my Jeep off this month.
Because of how clearly I felt to pay off my Jeep, I was super tempted to drain my bank account to do it. Instead, I took a breath of trust and paid $1000 on the Jeep on Monday.
Within hours after paying $1k on the Jeep, I met my next amazing client who was excited to pay for her program in full. As soon as her payment landed in my account, I paid off my Jeep that I have had for 5 years.
This also means that when we arrive back from Mexico, I will drive home my Jeep that I OWN!!!!
This Jeep has held me through the most turbulent 5 years of my life.
She moved me across the country. We've been up and down the West Coast together. We have had many a journey together. She was my greatest friend at many points when I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. She has taken me on the most wild adventures and seen many folks come and go. She knows my people and my people know her.
I remember the day she became a California resident. I remember the day I finally removed my infamous Live The Life You Love sticker off cause I wasn't dreaming it anymore, I was doing it and no longer needed the reminder.
I have written 4-5 books in her back seat and coached countless clients from her front seat. I have recorded dozens of podcasts with her awesome acoustics and hosted group coaching calls in so many places with her setting the vibes. She has been just as much a part of my biz growth as my personal evolution.
What a wild ride the last 5 years have been. If you have known me a while, you know exactly how much I love my Jeep Jeep and so here are a few celebration photos of when I pretend she is a model for a Jeep magazine #proudmomma
To wrap this party up, I have shifted my relationship with money in the last 3 years in ways that astonish me. I *knew* I would get here and yet, being here feels better than I imagined...and I am nowhere near done.
It is amazing to arrive at goals you've spoke about for years.
It feels incredible to keep your word to yourself.
It's worth every dark day.
It's worth every tear.
It's worth the uncertainty.
It's worth the discomfort.
It's worth all of it.
And you are worth getting out of debt and living in abundance.
I once recieved a very clear message from my guides "I gave you a voice to speak, NOW SPEAK!"
I turned to my fiance
and offered it to him, "I think I have a message for you. This seems really direct but I don't think it applies to me..."
You see, at the moment, I had concluded: 'I am an author, podcaster, and professional speaker. I definitely use my voice to speak. This can't be for me.'
Here we are months later and we have used it in our relationship to speak up for ourselves and each other. We have forged new paths together with our commitment to speak up.
Remember how I concluded that message wasn't for me?
I am growing in my business in stellar new ways and I clearly understand that I was a channel for that message because there were still (and always are) things I was not saying.
I have been long overdue for some upgrades in life and biz. It has been time for a while to set up some new boundaries, standards, and expectations. It's been time to practice new levels of responsibility that I have been able to dodge this far.
Speaking up is an invitation from divine guidance to release outdated modes of operation and step into next level leadership.
The thing that usually stops me from speaking up is my belief that I am inherently unlovable. That standing fully in my worth, power, and grace will turn people off and away.
I have used this fear to justify staying small and quiet...haha, yes, quiet. I have so much more to say and from a much larger platform.
I have used this fear to judge myself, can't enough be enough? Why do you always have to go for more? Will you ever just be chill/satisfied?
I have said a lot meaner things to myself about my dreams and desires and that meanness has never gotten me anywhere noteworthy.
My heart has taken me to great lengths but my critical mind has always kept it's foot on the break pedal.
Well, for the last few months, I have been taking a break from that.
I was riffing in a journlaing workshop and said "if you are too afraid to ask for it, you can't have it." Heads were nodding in agreement, I saw a few people write it down for themselves, and that message from my guides flew right back into my memory.
I GAVE YOU A VOICE TO SPEAK, NOW SPEAK!
Ask for what you need.
Admit what you want.
Talk about your dreams.
Say no when it's necessary.
Say yes when you know to, even if it's scary.
Shout your excitement from the mountain tops.
Speak life over your life.
Your words create your world *in the positive and negative directions* so watch your words and use them like building blocks for your life.
Take your foot off the break and let the life you dream about flood into your reality. It's waiting on your ask. It's waiting on your permission to enter.
You get to create a life you love, if you are willing to ask for it.
Client: Okay, but I have spent most of my life justifying by business and decisions. How do I not care about others opinions or judgments?
We all have this experience on some level at some point.
Short answer: Be willing to be misunderstood. Be willing to disappoint others.
It's really okay when others do not support or agree with your decisions, actions, desires, or lifestyle.
It's not their life.
They haven't walked your path.
They can't hear the whispers or your heart...sheit...you hardly can
When we finally decide to follow our heart and honor our truth, people might question it.
Simply put, those are not the ones to rely on for encouragement or support.
THAT DOES NOT mean we block them and move on.
It means we surround ourselves with a team that matches the frequency of the life we are living into and we proceed with the life we are creating.
Anyone who doubts us is just putting our own insecurities on loud speaker:
CAN I really do this?
IS this smart?
IS this safe?
HAVE I considered all the challenges?
WHAT IF I fail?
People's doubts and judgement are just something within us that is currently hidden from our view to identify within ourselves, heal, clear, bless, and release.
As far as that other person, bless them for their care, protective efforts, and love.
Thank them for the new insight into yourself.
Then move on.
Love them where they are and be okay if they don't understand your desires and actions.
This doesn't mean we cut them out. We probably love them. They are probably friends and family.
This just means we do the inner work of being okay with the discomfort of being misunderstood. It means being okay with the ideas of not meeting someone else's expectations of you. It means seeming to 'fall short' of some social norm.
I disappointed people when I left teaching.
I confused people when I left corporate.
I was warned about the inconsistencies of being self employed.
If I made other people's fears, concerns, or priorities more important than my vision, I wouldn't be where I am.
I would probably be doing something great, I am sure but nothing as rewarding as honoring my heart's calling in the face of resistance.
I would NOT be doing fulfilling work that I love, makes a huge difference, and pays more than I could imagine. I know this because I would have put others before myself in a way that I would be creating my life based on what others believed was good for me.
We can let our people love us without letting them run our lives, thoughts, and actions.
So I challenge you.
Who are you afraid of disappointing?
In what ways are you afraid of being misunderstood?
What judgment are you so afraid of?
Are you willing?
Are you willing to follow your heart and just let people not get it?
Here's a fun protip from the future.
They will get it in your winning season....but likely not a moment sooner.
It will take your own permission to proceed.
Grant your God and Goddess energy permission to play and preach.
Let your heart wander into the wild unknown.
Let your intuition guide your inquisitive mind.
Let your tears water the seeds of dreams sewn.
Let your passion fuel your creative expression.
Let your faithful knowing light the darkness, as you navigate this planet in every direction.
For it is not by following North, West, East, or South that you will find your way.
Beware the distractions of instruction that will lead you astray.
Let your mind quiet and your guidance speak up as your take your next steps.
Because it is the journey inward that will be the most direct.
Your soul awaits your remembering.
It is in no rush.
Whatever years you have 'wasted'
Have been equally important to the Collective 'Us'
We need your leadership.
We need your light.
We need your power.
We need your might.
Let your God and Goddess come here through you on Earth.
We need you now.
We need your truth.
Align with your purpose and embody your trust.
Surrender to your call, surrender you must.
We need you here.
We need you now.
We need you all.
We need you fully.
My prayer for you,
That you may remember yourself.
That no one and nothing may lead you so far astray that you don't think you can come back.
That you prioritize quieting the noise so that you may hear the whispers of your heart.
That you may trust in the vulnerability of loving with your whole heart.
That you may have as much compassion for yourself as you do for others so that you may then be energized by your compassion for others.
That you may slow down enough to notice stars and blossoms and smells and sounds of this fascinating planet.
That you may offer your disbelief to God so he can pour blessings all over you and your life.
That you may surrender your fear and surrender to love.
For these things, I pray.
For your health, I pray.
For your faith, I pray.
For your peace, I pray.
Today and everyday, I pray.