​Headed back to Indiana after a full, long weekend in Asheville, North Carolina for HU House's third author, Whitney Durmick's book launch!

Whitney wrote Half Wild: a prayer for a generation of roaming malcontents and it has recieved so many amazing reviews on Amazon!

I am so stoked to have been enjoying three of my favorite things:
-Freedom of the open road
-Launching new books!
-Golf

I had quite the outer body experience making the 10 hour drive (in 14 hours) down to NC Thursday. I would stop to gas up and realize I was driving around in my future home! I would park, jump out of the driver's seat and straight into MY BED in the back of my van! I had many a laughing fit on my way through Indiana, Tennessee, and Kentucky on my first freedom road trip.

I giggled with delight as the terrain got hillier, more lush, and even mountainous as I grew closer and closer to my destination.

The outer body experience continued as I hugged Whitney, her fiancé, and dad hello and munch down the delicious steak dinner waiting for me upon my arrival.

We talked launch party prep details and then spent our Friday rearranging the house for the few dozen guests we would be welcoming on Saturday.

I was the furthest out of my body and floating in bliss as I watched Whitney read a chapter of her debut book to some of her closest friends and family. The frequency in the room was that of love, joy, celebration, and deep appreciation.

I get re-inspired all over again any time I see someone's dreams and visions come to life.

It never gets old to me.

You know what else never gets old to me?

Golf.

Sunday, we hit the links to unwind and get some more quality time together during our short visit.

I stopped multiple times today to look around and breathe the scene in deeply. Being tucked into the mountains of NC, it was saturated with pine, wet mud, and the southern drawl of men on parallel fairways.

I also stopped and laughed to myself as I showered after golf, before dinner, and repeated about a hundred times "I get paid to work where I want, when I want, how I want, with who I want, for how much I want."

In making my dreams come true, I get to help people's dreams come true and I get to golf along the way.
​
I will be golfing and launching books all over the country in my new van home and I would love to encourage you to follow along by subscribing to my YouTube channel Abigail Rose Gazda

The number one mistake people make about transformation:

They start with a destination in mind. You know the destination:
The career, the car, the house, the relationship. It’s not always materialistic goals though.

Some people set out for the health, the financial status, the stability, the adventure, the freedom.

Many strive for the clarity, purpose, drive, focus, and unstoppability.

Some realize its more than that, so they imagine getting to the peace of mind, the bliss, joy, elation, the confidence, and more.

People, you, may work through your healing and transformation journey with the end in mind and chase after this place where you finally feel like you can rest and relax. You know the place…

The Healed Place.

Problem is, after a few months or years, people, you, start to realize that no matter how much work there is to do...there is more work to do.

Just when you feel like you might have finally solved the last thing wrong with you, your family, your career, your finances, your health, and the world, something else presents itself.

After enough things surface enough times, you start to question this whole transformation thing and wonder if it is all one big ripoff, yeah? Ever arrived to that point where you ask yourself if you’re just a delusional fool to think that you could arrive to that perfectly blissful point where all is settled, everything works out, everyone behaves as they should, all your needs or met, and there is world peace?

Well, you are a delusional fool.

But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

From another angle, you are a dreamer, a romantic, an optimist, a leader.

From another angle, you are a visionary who believes in a beautiful world and all of its glorious possibilities.

What I would like to help you with today is better understanding the mistake you make and the way it affects you.

Expecting perfection on your terms is a set up for disappointment.

Expecting to never face adversity or discomfort or letdowns or hard truths or curve balls in life is a sure way to be blindsided by the natural unfolding of the universe. Because I am not sure if anyone has told you but the universe doesn’t revolve around your perceived problems or desires. Shocker, I know.  

People die, relationships end, food spoils, you go broke, we lose jobs, civilizations crumble, failure is imminent. It is all a part of the ying and yang of life. Death and destruction are an integral part of life and rebirth.

So by fooling yourself that you will arrive at some happily ever after healed place in your life where there is never any more work to do, you are fooling yourself.

You came to this incarnation for the exhilaration of the experience. You came here to taste, touch, see, smell, hear, and feel the world and all of its features. Sometimes those sensory experiences include fear, anger, sadness, curiosity, confusion, and more.

I am not saying it has to or should be that way all of the time. Not at all.

In fact, I offer to my clients that a great measurement for living a transformed life is to measure it in a percentage. For myself, I hope to live 95% elevated, transformed, empowered, inspired, and blissful. However, I take into account that there will be 5% of the time that I am feeling the lower order emotions that I am experiencing discomfort, concern, questioning, discomfort, and more.

I know way too many people who get really upset when they find out that something new has surfaced for them to process. Or they fall apart while they are trying to maintain a house of card built on a shaky foundation. Better yet, they spiral into existential crisis when an old would shows up freshly reopened and declares, “I HEALED THIS ALREADY!” assuming that it should be gone for good.

Well my friends, I am here to offer you that your real suffering comes from the expectation of perfection. It is your negative reaction to the 5% that amplifies it and turns it into 10, 20, or 30% of your time living frustrated, upset, and second guessing everything.

I want to invite you to surrender the illusion of The Healed Place and just be where you are: in a human body with a thinking brain and a feeling heart.

You will have senses. You will have emotions. You will have reactions and they won’t all be Buddha level enlightened.

You will see old patterns replay, you will have unattended grief emerge, you will get pissed off, triggered, and offended from time to time. That doesn’t mean that you cannot live a 95% joyful life. It also doesn’t mean that the 5% of hard times or challenges have to knock you so far off center that you cannot bounce back within minutes or hours.

My offer to you as we move into this new month, new quarter, and new season is to let the pressure of perfection melt away with the snow.

Breathe in deeply, expand your chest, pull your shoulders back, and lift your chin up to sit upright into the life that you have come here for, filled with adventures, challenges, opportunities, and blessings, in whatever form they manifest.

You will never be perfectly healed because you are perfectly human.

And that is perfect.

Surrender to the 5% and let life give you experiences that will grow you. Surrender your idea of perfection. Surrender your smallness in thinking that if it doesn’t go your way that it isn’t working out better than you could have dreamt up. Surrender that you could know the whole picture and let life surprise and delight you.

Happy April, my loves.

Happy Spring Equinox.

Happy Astrological New Year.
​
Ever single moment, every single breath is a chance to start again at having 100% a full and wonderful life.

​In 2019, I had to confront my own fears, concerns, insecurities around being politically, societally, morally, or religiously incorrect for the ways I was teaching, preaching, and representing myself. 
 
The more I leaned into exploring my feminine side, the more 'inappropriate' it felt. I felt shame for my more mature views, beliefs, insights, and desires.
 
I believed that society prefers sweet girls and that the only honorable way to be a woman was to be married or a mother. Furthermore, women who were confidently in touch with themselves, their boundaries, and their independence were intimidating, aggressive, and some version of too much. 
 
As I explored my feminine nature, got more tattoos, came out as bisexual, shared my love of being nude, encouraged people to wildly chase their dreams, and started contemplating the realities of this dimension, I spent some time concerned about what my former students, their parents, and my former colleagues might think of me living more self-expressed and exposed.
 
I didn’t really realize how afraid I was until I started venturing out into unfamiliar territory. I was afraid family and friends would disown me. I was afraid to offend. I was afraid enough of rejection that it has taken years to blossom open into the level of self-expression I find myself living into these days.
 
I was afraid of losing the positive role model title I had become accustomed to since high school. I was afraid mothers wouldn’t want their daughters around me. I was afraid people would make fun of or pretend not to know my heart anymore. I was scared to feel outcasted because I cause people shame or discomfort. I have always taken pride in positively affecting people and I was afraid that unleashing all of me would strip me of my admiration.
 
What I realized in the depth of my inner work was that I was thinking and operating from years of conditioning of what being an adult means. I had a certain definition of a respectable woman. I had patriarchal beliefs about women, their bodies, and sexuality. I had a whole structure in my head that was formed based on what I had observed throughout my life.
 
But as I kept dismantling all these beliefs, I liberated myself and others.   
 
You see, I have had a lot of role models in my life that became very human as I (we) have aged. 
 
I saw leaders that I put on a pedestal fall from grace when I have witnessed them act like the primal humans that they are.
 
I have experienced disappointment, shame, and weirdness when I saw the people I thought had it all together were really falling apart behind the scenes. 
 
I have no doubt that many people have experienced this with the elders, mentors, and teachers of their time. 
 
This isn't meant to make anyone wrong. 
In fact, the exact opposite. 
 
This realization helped me to become human as well. 
 
It granted me permission to stop pretending or striving for perfection.
 
I was already very human but I wasn't acknowledging all the parts and aspects of me; my multidimensionality.
 
I was trying to uphold some unrealistic version or expectation of the model person. The upstanding citizen. The humble Christian. The perfect teacher and coach. The list goes on and we all have our own versions. 
 
I stuck with and extenuated the parts of me that won people's approval like the clean cut, homegrown, all-american, midwestern girl. The athlete. The winner. The wife. The corporate manager.
 
But (without my knowing at the time) I was compartmentalizing the more complex, diverse, and marginalized versions of myself.
 
The part of me that gets sad and angry. 
The introvert.
The judgmental part of me.
The natural beauty. 
The one who thrives on adventure. 
The one who has high standards. 
The sensual and sexual part of me.
The inquisitive deep thinker.
The one who loves money.
The one who loves herself. 
The business leader.
The philosopher.
The goddess, the angel.
 
In my self-exploration, forgiveness, and acceptance journey, I had to grant permission to be and unleash all the parts of me. The parts I thought were dark or grotesque and the parts that I though were too pretentious and arrogant.
 
I had to be okay with the nausea that comes with feeling vulnerable and exposed. I had to be okay with any negative feedback, praise, criticism, rejection, opinions, questions and other consequences that come with living out loud the way I chose to. 
 
Exploring and sharing has always been worth it because on the other side of that incredible discomfort is rapture. 
 
On the other side of that risk is reward.
On the other side of that pain is pleasure.
On the other side of that disruption is clarity. 
On the other side of those deaths is life. 
 
An unlimited and unleashed life of authenticity will blow your mind. 
 
Living is as easy as breathing when you are living fully expressed and I have crossed enough of those thresholds to know it is worth it (and safe) every single time. 
 
Something else that I have solidified is that I will be my core self at every level of the game. 
 
My fear about rejection slowed (because I don't think it ever 100% shuts off as humans) when I really came to acknowledge the truth of who I am.
 
No matter what skin, identity, clothes, or title I have on, I will always be:
 
Rich, nourishing love  
Depth, truth, and life force energy
Sweetness, laughter, play and innocence  
Joy - hilarious joy  
Fierce love  
Divine knowing  
Maternal, mother nature
Sensual self-acceptance  
Empowered masculine and feminine 
Multidimensional expression  
Multifaceted passion  
Diversity and versatility  
Deep listening and receiving
An emotional hug  
Guardian angel 
God and goddess 
The embodiment of unconditional love
 
The core of me will always be love and I will always integrate the shadows of my humanness. 
 
The depth that I have gone has taken me to the heights I have gotten to soar.
 
My inner work and self-acceptance have made me healthier, wealthier, happier, lighter, and sexier. It has made the adventure of life such a rich and nourishing experience, even in the toughest of times. It has helped me become more attuned and impactful in my commitment to unleash the hearts of others.
 
I am obsessed with this life and journey and I have hardly just begun.
What a beautiful ride.
​
I will always be living a life I love.

​Many think that if they could finally lose the weight, then they would be happy.

The problem with that idea is that the weight is a reflection of worthlessness, self-hate, undeservedness, and more.

Others convince themselves that having money will help them feel successful.

I love money as much as the next gal and I am here to tell you that money vibrates at a high frequency. Raise your frequency, raise the balance in your bank account. It is hard to make more money when you’re wallowing in self-pity.

It is time to start accepting that outer work doesn’t fix the inner work.
Inner work causes the outer manifestation.

As that cycle repeats, it creates an upward spiral that results in a more natural inspiration to live a great life.

I love when ‘all of a sudden’ my clients can’t stand the mess they are living in and start purging, cleaning, and rearranging. After a few weeks of working together, they practically snap out of a daze and start to see the mess around them.

This leads to what I call an ‘integrity rampage.’

In short, the integrity rampage happens after folks begin cleaning up their head and heart space. They no longer have certain images running in their minds; therefore, they are no longer projecting that image in their life.

Like a fog lifts on a dewy morning, things come into plain view and look different than ever before.

Suddenly, the dishes need to be washed and the laundry put away. The car must be vacuumed, the tank full, and the cup holders cleaned.

The integrity rampage can happen serendipitously, too. People lose a job they never liked but wouldn’t quit. Significant others break up with us before we manage to break up with them. The doctor tells you that you have three months to live.

When we begin transformation, things are miraculously moved out of our way to clear our path.

Without the awareness that some integrity and realignment is ‘forced’ upon us serendipitously, we can become too distracted by the losses and see them as failures, punishments, or signs to stop.

We miss seeing that these are our own projections of our deepest subconscious desires manifesting to shift us.

We don’t realize that we are being redirected by a Higher Power that also has a higher perspective than we do.

When the Universe clears your path, trust it.

See the invitation to move forward for what it is and take the next step toward improving your future.
​
Excerpt from chapter 5 of Alchemizing Judgment: A Guide Back to Love

​I usually feel pretty uncool.

I am participating in Sammie Vitale-Sterling 's #SweetImperfections 5 Day Challenge and today's topic is self-esteem.

I am here traveling alone in Costa Rica and when I go to busy restaurants or resorts or the beach, I feel like a teenage girl with her lunch tray wondering where to sit.

I am reminded with every table I take or taxi I get in and they ask me "sola"!?!
"Si, señor. Sola."

I feel judged when I go to parties or gatherings and get questioned/challenged about not drinking or smoking anymore.

I feel rejected when people tell me that what I am teaching and preaching about doesn’t make sense or is too far out there.

I feel defensive when someone rolls their eyes about the stuff that's important to me.

I doubt myself when people doubt me.
I feel uncool when people react negatively to me.
I question myself when others express their distaste of confusion or downright disapproval of me.

It has taken me years to learn to love and accept myself but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt when I feel judged.

It doesn't make me bullet proof to shots fired about my career path, lifestyle, or choices.

It also doesn’t mean that I won't keep loving them or myself.

It means I get a new chance to expand my capacity for love.

I get to be me and others get to be themselves.

Sammie read an excerpt from her book today about when the main character looks in the mirror and is noticing all the parts of herself she doesn’t like.

I've been there.

I didn't like my puffy eyes and cheeks, or version of me that weekly drank herself into a blackout as her idea of fun.

I didn't like my breaking, bleach blonde hair and constant dark roots that reminded me I was covering the real me up for some ideal of attractive.

I didn't look myself in the eyes back then.

I just evaluated my skin, hair, clothes, and body shape in the mirror back then.

Then I learned about real mirror work.

I learned how to LOOK AT and SEE myself.
​
I started meeting myself and the moment I was paying even the slightest bit of attention, my soul started howling and dancing and revealing herself!

She started speaking to me and I started listening.

Beyond that, I started to honor what I was hearing.

No more hair dye.
No more alcohol.
No more weed.
No more caffeine.
No more....

More sunshine.
More nature.
More adventure.
More water.
More openness.
More speaking.
More sharing.
More loving.

Nowadays, I love who I see in the mirror.

I love my physical features because they match the inside.

I love my smile because it is how big my heart and soul smile to be living unleashed.

I love my eyes because I see Spirit in them.

I love my soft skin and love staying energetically soft because I stay more available to give and receive love.

I love my body (preferably without clothes) and being literally and figuratively naked because I have nothing to hide.

I think to cover all of it, I love the healing and transformational work I have done to know, own, love, and share myself as much as I do.

It takes courage and I love myself for practicing that courage because it certainly feels risky.

It feels uncool sometimes.

It feels like putting my neck right on the chopping for anyone following my shares to decide "I don't like this or you!"

However, one thing I am very clear about is that I came here to lead.

I came to share.

I made a soul contract to be seen.

I haven't always felt what I would call 'self esteem' but I won't let that get in the way of sharing myself and unleashing the hearts of others.

Thank you Sammie for pulling this thought stream out of me.

I look forward to the next four days of your #SweetImperfections Challenge.
​
And if you are reading this, join us!! Friend Sammie and watch her first live to jump on with us!

Leaning fully into the 2/22/22 Portal of Possibility:

God/Spirit loves, protects, and blesses us all equally.

There is no one greater, better, or more privileged than another in the eyes of the Universe.

During this age of enlightenment, our equality becomes more obvious. Our capabilities become more obvious with our collective awakening and our higher orders of power and will are being revealed to us.

Especially on this 2/22/22, a portal of possibility is wide open for all to enter.

Portals are an invitation to step into an accelerated shift and stream toward collective consciousness. They are an opening to an elevated frequency and dimension.

To help understand and maximize such an opportunity, consider that it is your willingness that makes a portal valuable to you.

A door frame won't change its shape for its entrant but it will hold the space for its passerby.

It cannot and will not force anyone through its passage.

Some will lean in. Some will step through, sprint through, dance through, laugh through, cry through, and some will lean out. Some will lean back or lean away. Some will doubt, question, scoff, shame, curse, blame, and ridicule.

Many might feel like they don’t have a clue what a portal is and some are intimidated by concepts they don’t understand. It might seem to woo-woo, mystical, or impractical to pay attention to.

What’s beautiful is that more people are becoming interested and investing their attention to this newness.

This journey is eternal and the portals that open are ever changing. They flicker open, close, and new opportunities arise in every moment.

One thing that will cause you to feel like you are missing out on these gateways is your unwillingness to take any leaps of faith. Your desire to set and settle is elusive. It is a trick of the mind to fear change.


You came to here for the experience. 

You came to create.  

You came to evolve.  

You came to see, taste, touch, smell, see, hear, and feel this lifetime.



No one can walk our path for us.  

No one can accept our opportunities for us.  

No one can say yes for us.  

No one can receive our abundance on our behalf.



To each their own journey, tests, and blessings.  

To each their own will, worth, and choice.  

To each their own faith, fortune, and destiny.



If you are frozen in fear, you will take as many lifetimes as it takes to break your fears, insecurities, and hesitations.

You will take as many trips as necessary to learn love, patience, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, expression, gratitude, creation, and joy.

Where we are and where we are headed is into a phase a radical self-actualization and acceptance. We are becoming more aware of ourselves as a fragmented unit that shares in its collective experience.

The acceptance of our sovereignty empowers us to walk through portals of all kinds into our next level selves, individually and collectively.

When we/more of a us lean in at once, we create momentum towards our unified goal of harmony.

By leaning into this 2/22/22/ energy and any vortex, we collectively agree to live liberated and we get to move towards our oneness in a more fluid fashion.

I was sharing with a client today how in these physical bodies, we cannot be all things in all places simultaneously. It is in our connection and collaboration that we at our highest and best. It is in our sharing that we get to enjoy more of this life and world.

Have you felt the high vibe of this day as so many millions of people feel into the magick of 22222? Have you felt the power of that many people holding their attention together?

This is just a fraction of what’s possible when we collectively focus on the highest good of all.

We are on the leading edge of all the goodness that awaits us. We have envisioned such bright futures that casting such a powerful vision will manifest in a magnitude greater than we could possibly imagine.


Keep leaning in loves.  

Keep practicing your faith.


And if you are not sure how to take full advantage of that opportunity today/tonight, there are a few “heart opening activities” that you can take on. Heart opening represents making yourself energetically available to inspiration and guidance. Do things that feel nourishing to you.

Before bed tonight, make time for some laughing, smiling, breathing out loud, audible sighs of relief, sensual dancing, flirting in the mirror, and/or taking a bath or a longer shower.

You can practice relaxing without distraction. No tv/white noise. No social if it doesn’t energize you. Inhale and ingest good things. Nutrient dense food, vibes, and content.

Practice as much stillness and silence as you can.  

This is being in your softness and faith and this is when you can sense the pull of the portal. You may feel yourself being ‘taken in’ by a welcoming force. That is what you get to lean into and explore.

My invitation to you is to live energetically open as often as possible.
This will carry you into your portal of abundance well beyond the closing of this 22222 magick.
​
I love you.  ​

I invite you to sit in meditation and feel that dust land on the top of your head and open your crown, third eye, throat, and heart chakra. Breath it in and open up to all the possibilities of this new year.  
 
Sink deeply into your body and focus your attention on the activation of your solar plexus, sacral, and root chakra as that gold dust falls deeply within you, met by your own magick rising up from the depths of your being.  
 
Feel your soul celebrate this awakening, breathe in deeply, let a huge smile open your lips, and let a laugh of joy and relief come out from the center of you.  
 
So beautiful.  
 
Thank you for birthing more joy in the world.  
Thank you for alchemizing your surroundings back to love.  
Thank you for your magick.  
 
It is truly an honor to start another year with you.  
 
May your 2022 be blessed and abundant.  
 
May you share your magick. ​

What is the experience of life - of yourself - that you want to have?

There is a difference between resolving to fix yourself and setting powerful intentions for how you WANT to live. We set resolutions to do or not to do something that we think will make us feel better or happier, but what if we replaced resolutions with setting intentions about how we want to be and how we want to experience life - and ourselves - in the new year?

Think about it, people make resolutions to exercise because they think they'll be happy once they lose the weight, or make a resolution to stop spending money because they think that more money will make them happy. But think about it, we all know wealthy, unhappy people, and skinny, miserable people. Sure, these things might make you feel better temporarily, but what if you set an intention of how you want to feel or the experience of life that you want to have regardless of weight or money or looks and decide that you get to feel and live and be happy simply because you are already worthy and valuable and enough to have the experience of life that you dream of.

Shift the mindset of "fixing" to that of the "creator" of your life experience.
Check out my feature on rent.com where I, as well as other experts, touch on the importance of setting powerful intentions right now for 2022! 

"A resolution means to solve, which means you relate to what you are resolving as broken or needing fixing. Instead of a resolution, set intentions for the new year!" says clarity coach Abigail Gazda. "The most powerful way to set an intention is to speak into the experience you want to be having of yourself and life rather than the manifestation of a material thing."

Trying to fix what you think is broken about you will have you searching for that broken part of you for the rest of your life because it doesn't exist.⁣
⁣
You are not broken.⁣
This year is not broken.⁣
This life is not broken.⁣

Understanding the difference between WHO you are and WHAT you do will make all the difference in the results you produce. ⁣Everything happening has a purpose and if you let it take you out from living great days all year long, you are missing out on an amazing opportunity.⁣

My invitation to you:
Practice acknowledging ourselves for the beauty and greatness that we ALREADY have to truly create a life we love.

If you are ready to set your intentions for 2022, download my Intention Setting Masterclass. 

​

I wish you could see what I see.

It is with tears in my eyes that I take a break from ghostwriting a book to write you this post.

I am outside in the crisp air of Spring Lake, ID on my computer, sitting in a camping chair next to a satellite staked in the ground, attempting to capture every fragment of data to upload a video for the vlog and write this book.

I have had a challenge with the internet all day and I let it get the best of me as my deadline approaches for this week’s episode.

So here I sit, previously irritated by the challenge when the wind picked up a bit, shifting the temperature by ten degrees, enough to grab my attention.

I was typing away and watching the video upload count down “22 min remaining…” and that spinning circle of death just go ‘round and ‘round.

Then, the breath of the wind moving all the leaves really caught my attention.

When I looked up from my dimly lit computer, I saw absolutely nothing. Complete darkness.
It took my breath away.

I imagined myself in an abyss. Being nowhere.
I felt my little body existing nowhere and felt myself floating.

It overwhelmed me enough to stop writing the book and start writing you this post.

Now, the wind has died down and the only sound for miles is me typing on my keyboard.

Right now, I am nowhere but exactly where I am meant to be; hunched over my keyboard, painting this mental image for you.

I love the moments of feeling small and insignificant because the reminder is so monumental.
We are nothing, and we are everything.

Nothing means anything, and everything means whatever you make it mean.

Looking up to see nothing just now meant that life is temporary and precious and when I took an extra moment to close my computer and let my eyes adjust, I saw the outline of the pine trees and the twinkle of the stars.

They brought me back to this Earth.
Back to this life.
Back to this keyboard.
Back to you.

May you make time for the darkness.
May you make time for the mystery.
May you make time for your inquiry.
May you make time to see, or not see.
May you make way for your wonder.
May you make way for your faith.
May you make way for your wander.
Make you make room for grace.

Don’t forget to live, my dear,
Don’t forget to breathe.
Don’t forget to look up from the keyboard, my dear.
Don’t forget to believe.
​
Life is precious.
Enjoy it.
I love you.